Hope in a Hopeless World

Mental Health Outreach

Author: Crystal

Hi, I'm Crystal. I am a wife to an amazing husband, a mom of two beautiful boys, and a social worker with a passion to help people. Among many other things, I also live with mental illness. Depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, eating disorder, and vicarious trauma. Whoa - what a mouth full. These disorders have had a major impact on my life. It is my mission to share my experiences with others to prove that you are not alone in this battle.

Sign of True Strength

Love. Joy. Kindness /
Crystal / December 3, 2018

Natural reaction to an infuriating moment is to yell, retaliate, or seek justice. They deserve it. They have to learn from their mistakes somehow. Right? When you stop to think about it, does yelling or pay back ever actually make us feel better or solve the problem? It is often encouraged, and even rewarded, to demand our way, seek justice, and manipulate the situation to better our odds. The person that can strong arm the opponent to get their way is viewed as the victor. The one with the most strength. The person that is kind and humble is viewed as weak. They may be described as a push over with no back bone. However, is kindness really the weak choice? It’s easy to give in to our human nature and go down the path of selfishness. Our basic human nature prompts us to look out for our own wellbeing and use our power for our own benefit. Anyone can react and respond to a situation with anger or revenge. It doesn’t take much effort to give into the natural emotions. The real challenge is offering grace to the hardest to love, forgiveness to the person that hurt you the most, and kindness to someone that is undeserving. The challenge is to overcome your gut reaction and choose to be kind always. Kindness takes intentional planning, rational thinking, and a desire to make an impact on others. The sign of true strength is found in the person that can stand with confidence, allow the gut reaction emotion to settle, and let kindness to take over. The next time you are faced with a situation that produces that gut reaction of negative emotions, try replacing it with kindness. When someone cuts in front of you in the check-out line, take a deep breath and respond with a smile. If your stubborn child is on his or her 17th tantrum of the day, tell them that you love them. When a co-worker is struggling at work, give them a helping hand or words of encouragement. The next argument you have with your spouse or significant other be the first to apologize. If you fail at a task, give yourself grace and a reminder that no one is perfect. You will notice that your kindness will warm your heart and health thinking will fill your mind. Make kindness a lifestyle not a one-time act. How can you take steps to shift from emotional reaction to practical kindness? In what ways can you start to practice being intentionally kind in your every day life? It is not an easy task and it may seem daunting. Showing consistent kindness is not for the meek, it is the greatest form of strength. Author: Crystal

When It’s Hard to be Thankful

MH Awareness, Thankfulness /
Crystal / November 22, 2018

Some seasons of life are harder to navigate then others. It’s easy to be thankful when life is a smooth ride with no wind or waves blocking our view. But what about the rocky seasons? The days that the wind is knocking you over and a cycle of waves are pushing you in every direction. The days that it’s hard to stand; let alone find time to be grateful. Our natural human tendency will allow us to be engulfed by the pain that surrounds us. Human nature will allow all sorts of hardships to control our mind. Fear, guilt, worry, anger, loneliness, heartache. Negative thoughts or feelings can be debilitating especially when ignored. Standing in the middle of the wind and waves with no strength to stop the movement can leave us feeling drained and numb to the beauty that is around us. Just as the wind and waves will calm, so will the storms of life. Sometimes we must wait it out. In the meantime, emotions allow pain to be released from our body and should be celebrated. We can use this release to gain traction when enduring a difficult season. Take a moment today to acknowledge the emotions you are feeling. Are you feeling lonely? Like no one cares? Are you feeling overwhelmed by life? Guilty about choices you made? Misunderstood? Heartbroken? Worried? Afraid? Acknowledge your emotions and then slowly release the pain that is blocking your view. Look past the wind and the waves and search for the strength inside. Look toward the source of your strength. You cannot change your season, but you can change how you approach it. You cannot stop the emotions from coming, but you can change how you view them. Be thankful for emotions today. Embrace them as a way to release the pain. Allow yourself to truly feel and observe each emotion that arises in you and envision the pain leaving your body with each breath. Use your spirit of Power, Love, and Control to take a stand during the difficult season. Remind yourself of the beauty on the other side that is waiting to be seen. Author: Crystal

Grace for the Hard Days

Support for Family and Friends /
Crystal / November 17, 2018

The person you love has told you that they have been struggling with a mental illness. You want to do and say all the right things so you think extra carefully about what to say next, but you are left wondering if you’ve said enough. How can I help them? What if I made it worse? Often well-intentioned family and friends tend to overthink and dwell on how to help their loved one. We forget how far the power of a listening ear and a kind heart can go. If someone has disclosed to you that they have a mental illness, take that as a huge compliment. They trust you. Releasing those words into the air and out of their heart was more therapeutic than you will ever know. The question remains: How do I respond? I have complied a list of tips that have been helpful to those living with mental illness. If you feel that your loved one is at immediate risk of harming themselves or someone else, see the resources at the bottom of this page and act immediately. 6 Ways to Support your Family or Friend living with Mental Illness Believe them. Mental illness is often an unseen condition. You may not be able to see their signs and symptoms, but if they are telling you that they struggle with some form of mental illness don’t down play it. Believe and trust that it is true. Don’t try to fix it. Instead try to understand. It’s human nature to want to fix a problem. Sometimes problems are not ours to fix. Instead of trying to offer solutions, try to understand what mental illness looks like for them. You could ask questions like “What do anxiety/depression/mental illness symptoms look like for you?” “What does a hard day look like?” “Are there things that make a hard day worse?” “Are there things that make a hard day better?” Offer grace instead of frustration. Cancelled plans. Ignored texts or phone calls. Lack of follow through. Unexplained silence or avoidance. These can all be symptoms of mental illness. Don’t take it personally if your lunch date with a friend is rescheduled multiple times. It does not mean that they are avoiding you. It’s possible that their symptoms are heightened, and they have entered survival mode. Choose to offer grace and kindness as much as possible. They are feeling enough guilt for both of you. Keep inviting them to events. They want to be included and feel wanted even if they can’t physically get there. Learn to love silence. Be comfortable with silence. Sometimes your presence is all that is needed. If you are searching for the perfect words or are bombarding them with a constant stream of talk, then their thoughts and words might be washed out. Silence is great and can allow the person to gather their thoughts and will show them that you are in no rush. Take time to learn more. Seek out resources and articles that describe the causes, symptoms, and treatments for their specific illness. If you need help finding information, reach out to us at Hope in a Hopeless World under our request for resources section. After you have taken the time to believe in them, understand, offer grace, and learn more, then when the time is right encourage them to take the next steps toward treatment. Immediately offering solutions before you truly understand them can be counterproductive. However, if your family or friend is showing signs of harming themselves or others act immediately. Additional resources at the bottom of this page can help you through that process. Take care of yourself. Perhaps the most important of all of these, is to take care of your own mental and physical health. Setting appropriate boundaries, taking time for self-care, practicing positive thinking, and taking care of your own personal needs will be crucial to helping someone else. Your family or friend wants to see you in a good place, they do not want to see you burned out from them.   Mental illness is far more common then it may seem. Making the choice to offer grace as your first reaction will make a huge impact on the lives of those around you. And as a bonus you will being practicing health thinking too. <3 Author: Crystal Additional Resources:  Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741, https://www.crisistextline.org/ For additional information on how to help someone with a mental illness check out NAMIs tip sheet. https://www.nami.org/Get-Involved/NAMI-FaithNet/Tips-For-How-to-Help-a-Person-with-Mental-Illness  

Depression is Not the New You

Depression /
Crystal / November 10, 2018

I sprang out of bed at 5:55am before my alarm, before the dogs, before my husband, and yes even before my 4-year-old. I briskly walked into the kitchen, started brewing the coffee, and then gazed out the back window. There was a light snow that had covered the ground and a farmer working in the field behind my house. I love this time of day, the quiet hours in the morning where I can reflect on my life. I allowed the positive energy and contentment to wash over me. To think that there was a time in my life that I thought my energy would never come back and that I would be lost in a world of panic forever. How thankful I am that I was wrong. When Depression, PTSD, and Vicarious Trauma had its control over me, I felt like a completely different person. The new me had no energy, no sleep, and no compassion. Getting out of bed was a chore let alone cooking, cleaning, being a wife, or a mom. Every day I could feel the weight of the day slowly closing in on me. Thoughts about quitting my job, leaving my husband, re-homing the dogs, and running away from all life responsibilities felt like the only way I was going to survive. The new me couldn’t handle my old life. Couldn’t handle the responsibilities. Truth be told, I didn’t think anything could ever “fix” me. It felt like I needed to change my lifestyle instead of addressing my mental health. I had spent the last several years as a Social Worker convincing other people to seek treatment for their mental illness. Yet when it was my turn to face the battles of mental illness I was in denial. “My mental illness isn’t as bad as theirs was.”“Treatment won’t work for me.”“No one understands what I am going through.”“I don’t see how talking about my feelings is going to help.”“I don’t have mental illness so why would I see a therapist?”“I am strong, I can overcome it on my own. I don’t need help.” The same excuses that I heard time and time again from others were quickly adapted as my own. Depression likes to tell us that there is no way out. But don’t believe the lies! This is not the new you. This is not how it will always be. Mental illness is treatable and there are people that will understand. Don’t let your mind be controlled by a chemical imbalance that can be treated. Use your strength and control to intentionally make changes to better your mental health. A strong mind knows that people are meant to work together. A strong person takes the step to schedule an appointment, continue with treatment, and heal their mind. If you are lost in the world of depression or mental illness, take the first step today. The great news is that treatment does work! Even better, you get to decide to take that step. You get to tell mental illness that you are stronger than the hold it has on your mind. Author: Crystal

Marriage is Hard

Featured, Love. Joy. Kindness, Marriage /
Crystal / November 1, 2018

“He isn’t the same person.”“I am not attracted to her anymore.”“He isn’t the person I would choose to marry, if I chose someone today.”“I can’t look at her without being angry.”“Life would be easier for all of us if we went our separate ways.”“But I am not in love anymore.”“I feel numb, I don’t care what happens to my marriage.” Ever feel this way about your spouse?The person that you thought you’d love forever? You are not alone. The natural progression of any relationship is the tendency to drift apart. The tendency to let the movement of life wash you away in a current so subtle that you don’t even know you are moving until you have moved so far that you are lost at sea. When you add the endless list of other waves that might enter the mix it’s no wonder relationships get so complicated that it feels impossible to find your way back. The American Psychological Association predicts that 40-50% of all marriages will end in divorce. American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy predict that 35-45% of all marriages will experience an affair at some point. Separation. Divorce. Affairs. Betrayal. Drift. Isolation. No one plans for any of these. No one dreams about betraying their spouse or building up walls that lead down the path of divorce. You don’t go from happily married to resentful overnight. If most marriages start out with the best of intensions and full of love, then why do almost half end in the tragedy of divorce? Where is the happily ever after that you dream about on your wedding day? Based on the alarming statistics, a marriage has a 50/50 chance at surviving, so what’s the point? These are very real questions that I struggled with when faced with the lowest point in my marriage. It was during this time that I learned that he had been unfaithful to our marriage and the talks of divorce would begin. This would also be the moment that we would both enter programs to treat our mental illness. After fully committing to my therapy, leaning into my family and friends, and truly seeking to reconcile my spiritual doubts, I was finally able to embrace one truth. A truth that would lead me to make decisions, that many would have a hard time understanding. The truth is: Love is a choice. A choice that no one could make for me. One that I alone had the power to decide. When I chose Love, I was able to see past the mistakes and see the situation for what it was. My husband and I had been in engulfed by separate, but similar waves of mental illness that caused our drift to expand steadily and rapidly. Our distorted view on life led to increased tensions, selfish thinking, and survival mode. Choosing to love even when trust was broken, was the turning point that allowed us to begin to repair our marriage. It also allowed me to heal, to tackle the problems head on and sort through the pain. It wasn’t a magic fix that erased all the pain, but it did allow for a starting point for forgiveness. Throughout our healing process, we quickly learned that we are not alone in our marriage struggles. We have heard from well respected family and friends that shared similar stories of heartbreak and trials. I think it is easy to look at the lives of others and think that everyone has it better than you do. To think that you are the only one that is experiencing hard times. Infidelity, separations, addictions, and other marital struggles happen far more often than what people will admit to. I don’t know where this story finds you in this journey of life. But whether you have been married one year or fifty years, divorced, separated, single, happily married, or hanging on by a thread, my hope is that where ever you are, you will know that you are seen. You are not alone. Marriage and relationships are hard for everyone. Tensions and problems that go unaddressed will slowly lead down a road of unhealthy thinking. It is never too late to turn back and address those problems head on. You have the power to choose what is best for you and to let go of all the opinions and judgments that others will place upon you. My fear of what others would think, almost paralyzed me. However, where I thought I would find judgement, I found encouragement. When I opened up about my struggles, I found a whole community of people that had similar struggles. You have the power to let love be your motivation in whatever season you are faced with today. Let’s choose today to start talking about the hard things and stop hiding. Let’s offer grace and unconditional love in place of fear and judgement. You have a spirit, not of fear, but of Power, Love, and Self-Control. Don’t let the fear of the unknown keep you from choosing the best road for your life. Author: Crystal

They have it Worse

Love. Joy. Kindness /
Crystal / October 19, 2018

Normally I avoid watching the news. Instead of ruminating on the terrifying stories that have already happened, I prefer to use my time and energy intentionally uplifting and helping the small part of the world that I have the power to influence. Yet, heartbreaking stories still cross my path. Sometimes these stories will consume my mind. Stop me in my tracks and remind me of the broken world we live in. It is during these painful moments that guilt over my comfortable life sets in. Worry drives my choices. Anger turns to hopelessness. “They have it much worse than me. What do I have to complain about?” There is a big difference between being grateful for your blessings and letting the pain of the world stop you from taking care of yourself. Does the knowledge that someone else has it worse than you, make your pain less painful? Awareness of the trials and troubles others face allow us to feel the much-needed compassion, empathy, and sense of community. But with all things, balance is key. Examine your state of mind right now. If the brokenness of the world is consuming you, you may be headed down a road of helplessness, numbness, heartbreak, and confusion. This world needs your compassion and empathy. You will not be able to show your kindness to the world if you don’t first take care of your own battles. Your own brokenness. Much like you cannot lift someone up with a broken arm, you cannot influence your part of the world with a broken spirit. What worries, past events, or troubles do you need to face today? What steps can you take to face those fears to move forward with your life? We do not have a spirit of fear. Take the first brave step toward self-improvement so that you can shine a light on the broken world one step, one act, one person at a time. Author: Crystal

Morning Anxiety

Anxiety, Work Struggles, You are not alone /
Crystal / October 5, 2018

After I posted “Monday Morning Blues” I heard from many of you that share similar morning struggles. Thank you for sharing your heart and hardships with me. The very next Monday, I did call into work for debilitating anxiety and an overwhelming feeling of “I just can’t today.” Morning anxiety had struck again. It wasn’t just Mondays it was starting to be Every. Single. Day. Inspired by your shared experiences, I set out to find ways to decrease this anxiety. After some internet research and a consult in my weekly therapy appointment, I had created a list of simple changes. Changes that I set out to test in the following weeks. If you struggle with morning anxiety, I would encourage you to try a few of the tips below. Prepare for the morning the best you can the night before.For me this meant, sitting down and making a list of everything that I have to do in the morning and then moving as much as I could to the night before. This included picking out my clothes, picking out my child’s clothes, making sure my coffee mug was washed, pre-setting the coffee maker, getting my lunch ready, packing my child’s bag for school, showering, and picking up any items that I did not want chewed up by my loving, hyper, destructive dogs.The visual list also made it easy for me to communicate to my husband. When he asked what he could help with, there was a tangible list instead of an “I don’t know how you can help me.” Schedule Breaks!Make breaks a priority no matter what you are doing that day. In the last 30 minutes of my work day, I started writing out a to-do list for the next day. Attaching times to each item so that I would not overbook myself. Scheduling 15-minute breaks in the middle of that schedule, was a great way to break up my day. By creating my work to-do list and break schedule the night before, I did not wake up thinking about all the things I needed to get done. I knew that I had already prioritized the list the day before. Meditation. Faith. Relaxation. Settle your mind by focusing in on meditation, guided muscle relaxation, faith-based readings, journaling, deep breathing. It doesn’t take long to do a quick guided meditation or reading. Allow yourself to have 5-10 minutes to yourself and focus on quieting your mind. For me this included meditation on my favorite faith readings, verses, or listening to guided meditations. Sleep. Go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. Including weekends. I didn’t think that as an adult I needed to have a “bedtime.” However, the routine of going to bed and waking up at the same time each day has provided much needed structure and habit to the weeks. Set a timer at night if you need to remind yourself it’s time to go to sleep. If falling asleep or staying asleep is difficult, seek help from a mental health provider or physician. Practice Positive ThinkingNegative thinking is a habit that needs to be broken. This can be changed by re-training our minds to positive thinking. Recognizing the negative thoughts for what they are and changing them to something positive is hard in the moment. Having encouragements and positives reminders hanging where you can read them in the mornings can be a subtle reminder. Instead of opening a social media app on the phone right away in the morning, I reach for a daily verse app for some positive support. If your anxiety becomes debilitation and interfering with your family life, your work, or other activities I would encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional or spiritual advisor. Talk to someone about your specific needs. Every person is different. Allow yourself to explore what works for you. Give yourself permission to be human, feel the low moments and be grateful for the small things. We are not alone in our morning struggles and we can take the control back. Author: Crystal

Tears of Joy

Love. Joy. Kindness /
Crystal / September 21, 2018

About one year ago today, I found myself in the darkness season of life. PTSD, Vicarious Trauma, Depression, and significant martial struggles had me feeling absolutely hopeless. It was during this time that I was invited to join Walk the Talk Missions on a trip to Ensenada, Mexico. I barely had the energy to get dressed in the morning, but some how I managed to pack my things, and board a plane marking the start of the journey. In the middle of my own personal tragedy, my heart was open to a world very different from my own. I was expecting the living conditions. The lack of shelter, the lack of food, the overall low quality of life. It is a quality of life that some face here in the United States and one that I am exposed to daily in my work as a social worker. But even so, the conditions were heartbreaking. There was one thing that took me by complete surprise. The Joy. The pure joy that this community embraced was unexpected. The joy on a little boy’s face when he received a small matchbox car. Or a little girl a backpack for school. Or an older boy when he received glasses for the first time. The joy the community had when they wrapped their arms around one another and held each other up. The joy the local pastor had as he spoke of the feeding program. One that feeds the community of kids a few times a week. And the hope that he holds onto that he will soon be able to feed them every day of the week. The joy that filled my heart during my lowest moments of life. In two short days, we came along side a single family and built them a home which would change the course of their life forever. Each board painted, each nail safely secured, and each wall that rose from the ground represented a new beginning. Where there was once a home which was made of cardboard, was now a secure house fully furnished with beds, pillows, blankets, and food. I walked into Ensenada, Mexico with tears of pain and anguish and left with tears of joy and hope. The people of Ensenada have very little, but they hold the key to happiness. Kindness, Love, Community, Hope. In one month, my husband and I will join my mom and several others on another trip with Walk the Talk Missions. Back to that same community in Ensenada where we will come along side another family and take part in creating security in the form of a new home. To bring a ray of hope to their world. There is a contagious joy that comes from tangible hope. To know that this family trusted and hoped that one day their needs would be met. To know that you are the person sent to bring hope, is the purest form of joy. I encourage you today to think of ways to spread this tangible ray of hope to those around you. Add joy to your life by spreading kindness, love, and community. Let’s band together as a community of people. Instead of tearing each other down, let’s hold each other up! Instead of looking the other way and placing blame on those that are suffering, let’s find ways to bring hope. You can’t change the world or even your community on your own, but if each of us do a small part, we can change it together.   Be the hope to someone that may feel hopeless today.  Your small act of kindness and love could change the course of their day, and it will certainly change the course of yours. If you would like to learn more about Walk the Talk Missions, visit their website listed below. www.walkthetalkmissions.com

Monday Morning Blues

Anxiety, Work Struggles, You are not alone /
Crystal / September 17, 2018

Monday Mornings. Enough said? Staring at my computer screen this morning, I wonder why I seem to hate my job on Mondays. There’s this sense of dread that comes the second I wake up. I like my job. Right? Waiting for my computer screen to turn on, I try to remember why I get up so early in the morning to tackle the long never-ending to-do lists. What’s the point? My mind becomes overwhelmed by the amount of emails, phone calls, voicemail messages, and stack of over-due tasks that are waiting for me. As I continue to watch the welcome screen-saver spin, my mind begins to plot ways to decrease my work hours. Should I call in to work today? Or is a career change needed? Should I work part-time? Maybe I am not enough. Searching for a pen to take notes on the voicemails received over the weekend, my eyes land on a gift from a friend. A small wooden sign that reads: Today I will be strong, brave, kind, and unstoppable. Today I will be fierce. A subtle reminder that I chose how I approach this day. Not my to-do list, not my voicemails, not even my mood. Quickly I use my pen to jot down the reasons that I chose to come to work this morning. I find renewed purpose in the big picture. Renewed power and control. I take a moment to be grateful for all the blessings that come from my job, before tackling today’s work. I am enough. I might not be perfect. I might have overwhelming moments or days. And I will have days of unproductivity. But I am enough. What are you showing up for today? It is a job? Stay at home parenting? A medical appointment? An interview? Home tasks? Are you at home feeling alone? Or overwhelmed by others this morning? You get to decide how you choose to tackle the day. You get to decide that you are enough today. Your worth is not measured by your abilities or productivity. Look for the hope that comes from within on this Monday morning. Make a list of what motivates you. And be at peace with tasks that go un-done today. Author: Crystal

The Highs. The Lows.

Anxiety, Depression, Featured, You are not alone /
Crystal / August 31, 2018

I love the days when my spirit is high, and my motivation level is in it’s prime. These are the days that I feel accomplished, not needing the reassurance or reminders of my worth. On my good days, I feel like a productive member of society. Yesterday was that day. Yesterday, I felt good about life. Today? Today, I woke up with a pit in my stomach, anxiety rising in my chest, and a cycle of inner voices telling me that I am not good enough. The house is still quiet, I walk over to the closet and stare at my clothes. Everything feels so far out of reach. After settling for jeans and a basic shirt, I find myself begging for energy, strength, motivation just to remain standing. Lowering myself to the ground, the tears cannot be stopped. Yesterday was a good day and today just started. What is my deal? No one should have to deal with me. No one should have to put up with my highs only to be disappointed by my extreme lows. The highs. The lows. Sometimes every day is a new battle. Those around me don’t know if they will get the cheerful, motivational, let’s tackle the world woman that they know and love, or the don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t expect much of me woman that I know and dread. The low days sneak around the corner and remind me of my weaknesses. They often appear with no warning and leave me questioning my value. Leaving me tearful, resistant, distracted, and frustrated. The inner voice on the low days tells me to hide. Don’t let them see you. They don’t want to hear your troubles. It tells me that I am a burden to those around me. I have become an expert hider. I would win at the game of hide and seek when it’s emotions that we are hiding. I can bury my emotions so deep that no one will find them. But what is the value in hiding? Where does the motivation to hide our low feelings come from? If I had a cold, I would likely openly share my discomfort. I would feel no embarrassment or shame in telling those around me the reason for feeling out of sorts. The symptoms of a physical condition are easy to share, easy to point out, and easy to explain. The symptoms of mental illness or a low day, are not as easy to explain and can leave behind the feeling of isolation. The feeling that no one could possibly understand. I want you to hear this: You are not alone. You are not a burden. You have a right to feel the low days and share your pain. You do not have to hide. Don’t be embarrassed or afraid to let your true self shine. The highs, the lows, they do not define your worth. You are more then a sum of your emotions. Emotions are a part of being human. They are natural and beautiful. They allow us to express and release the tensions brewing inside. I know firsthand that it is difficult, and I would like to encourage you today to stop hiding and start sharing your real, raw, wonderfully made self with those closest to you. Author: Crystal