Crystal | Hope in a Hopeless World

Morning Anxiety

Crystal / October 5, 2018

After I posted “Monday Morning Blues” I heard from many of you that share similar morning struggles. Thank you for sharing your heart and hardships with me. The very next Monday, I did call into work for debilitating anxiety and an overwhelming feeling of “I just can’t today.” Morning anxiety had struck again. It wasn’t just Mondays it was starting to be Every. Single. Day. Inspired by your shared experiences, I set out to find ways to decrease this anxiety. After some internet research and a consult in my weekly therapy appointment, I had created a list of simple changes. Changes that I set out to test in the following weeks. If you struggle with morning anxiety, I would encourage you to try a few of the tips below. Prepare for the morning the best you can the night before.For me this meant, sitting down and making a list of everything that I have to do in the morning and then moving as much as I could to the night before. This included picking out my clothes, picking out my child’s clothes, making sure my coffee mug was washed, pre-setting the coffee maker, getting my lunch ready, packing my child’s bag for school, showering, and picking up any items that I did not want chewed up by my loving, hyper, destructive dogs.The visual list also made it easy for me to communicate to my husband. When he asked what he could help with, there was a tangible list instead of an “I don’t know how you can help me.” Schedule Breaks!Make breaks a priority no matter what you are doing that day. In the last 30 minutes of my work day, I started writing out a to-do list for the next day. Attaching times to each item so that I would not overbook myself. Scheduling 15-minute breaks in the middle of that schedule, was a great way to break up my day. By creating my work to-do list and break schedule the night before, I did not wake up thinking about all the things I needed to get done. I knew that I had already prioritized the list the day before. Meditation. Faith. Relaxation. Settle your mind by focusing in on meditation, guided muscle relaxation, faith-based readings, journaling, deep breathing. It doesn’t take long to do a quick guided meditation or reading. Allow yourself to have 5-10 minutes to yourself and focus on quieting your mind. For me this included meditation on my favorite faith readings, verses, or listening to guided meditations. Sleep. Go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. Including weekends. I didn’t think that as an adult I needed to have a “bedtime.” However, the routine of going to bed and waking up at the same time each day has provided much needed structure and habit to the weeks. Set a timer at night if you need to remind yourself it’s time to go to sleep. If falling asleep or staying asleep is difficult, seek help from a mental health provider or physician. Practice Positive ThinkingNegative thinking is a habit that needs to be broken. This can be changed by re-training our minds to positive thinking. Recognizing the negative thoughts for what they are and changing them to something positive is hard in the moment. Having encouragements and positives reminders hanging where you can read them in the mornings can be a subtle reminder. Instead of opening a social media app on the phone right away in the morning, I reach for a daily verse app for some positive support. If your anxiety becomes debilitation and interfering with your family life, your work, or other activities I would encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional or spiritual advisor. Talk to someone about your specific needs. Every person is different. Allow yourself to explore what works for you. Give yourself permission to be human, feel the low moments and be grateful for the small things. We are not alone in our morning struggles and we can take the control back. Author: Crystal

Tears of Joy

Love. Joy. Kindness /

Crystal / September 21, 2018

About one year ago today, I found myself in the darkness season of life. PTSD, Vicarious Trauma, Depression, and significant martial struggles had me feeling absolutely hopeless. It was during this time that I was invited to join Walk the Talk Missions on a trip to Ensenada, Mexico. I barely had the energy to get dressed in the morning, but some how I managed to pack my things, and board a plane marking the start of the journey. In the middle of my own personal tragedy, my heart was open to a world very different from my own. I was expecting the living conditions. The lack of shelter, the lack of food, the overall low quality of life. It is a quality of life that some face here in the United States and one that I am exposed to daily in my work as a social worker. But even so, the conditions were heartbreaking. There was one thing that took me by complete surprise. The Joy. The pure joy that this community embraced was unexpected. The joy on a little boy’s face when he received a small matchbox car. Or a little girl a backpack for school. Or an older boy when he received glasses for the first time. The joy the community had when they wrapped their arms around one another and held each other up. The joy the local pastor had as he spoke of the feeding program. One that feeds the community of kids a few times a week. And the hope that he holds onto that he will soon be able to feed them every day of the week. The joy that filled my heart during my lowest moments of life. In two short days, we came along side a single family and built them a home which would change the course of their life forever. Each board painted, each nail safely secured, and each wall that rose from the ground represented a new beginning. Where there was once a home which was made of cardboard, was now a secure house fully furnished with beds, pillows, blankets, and food. I walked into Ensenada, Mexico with tears of pain and anguish and left with tears of joy and hope. The people of Ensenada have very little, but they hold the key to happiness. Kindness, Love, Community, Hope. In one month, my husband and I will join my mom and several others on another trip with Walk the Talk Missions. Back to that same community in Ensenada where we will come along side another family and take part in creating security in the form of a new home. To bring a ray of hope to their world. There is a contagious joy that comes from tangible hope. To know that this family trusted and hoped that one day their needs would be met. To know that you are the person sent to bring hope, is the purest form of joy. I encourage you today to think of ways to spread this tangible ray of hope to those around you. Add joy to your life by spreading kindness, love, and community. Let’s band together as a community of people. Instead of tearing each other down, let’s hold each other up! Instead of looking the other way and placing blame on those that are suffering, let’s find ways to bring hope. You can’t change the world or even your community on your own, but if each of us do a small part, we can change it together. Be the hope to someone that may feel hopeless today. Your small act of kindness and love could change the course of their day, and it will certainly change the course of yours. If you would like to learn more about Walk the Talk Missions, visit their website listed below. www.walkthetalkmissions.com

Monday Morning Blues

Anxiety, Work Struggles, You are not alone /

Crystal / September 17, 2018

Monday Mornings. Enough said? Staring at my computer screen this morning, I wonder why I seem to hate my job on Mondays. There’s this sense of dread that comes the second I wake up. I like my job. Right? Waiting for my computer screen to turn on, I try to remember why I get up so early in the morning to tackle the long never-ending to-do lists. What’s the point? My mind becomes overwhelmed by the amount of emails, phone calls, voicemail messages, and stack of over-due tasks that are waiting for me. As I continue to watch the welcome screen-saver spin, my mind begins to plot ways to decrease my work hours. Should I call in to work today? Or is a career change needed? Should I work part-time? Maybe I am not enough. Searching for a pen to take notes on the voicemails received over the weekend, my eyes land on a gift from a friend. A small wooden sign that reads: Today I will be strong, brave, kind, and unstoppable. Today I will be fierce. A subtle reminder that I chose how I approach this day. Not my to-do list, not my voicemails, not even my mood. Quickly I use my pen to jot down the reasons that I chose to come to work this morning. I find renewed purpose in the big picture. Renewed power and control. I take a moment to be grateful for all the blessings that come from my job, before tackling today’s work. I am enough. I might not be perfect. I might have overwhelming moments or days. And I will have days of unproductivity. But I am enough. What are you showing up for today? It is a job? Stay at home parenting? A medical appointment? An interview? Home tasks? Are you at home feeling alone? Or overwhelmed by others this morning? You get to decide how you choose to tackle the day. You get to decide that you are enough today. Your worth is not measured by your abilities or productivity. Look for the hope that comes from within on this Monday morning. Make a list of what motivates you. And be at peace with tasks that go un-done today. Author: Crystal

The Highs. The Lows.

Anxiety, Depression, Featured, You are not alone /

Crystal / August 31, 2018

I love the days when my spirit is high, and my motivation level is in it’s prime. These are the days that I feel accomplished, not needing the reassurance or reminders of my worth. On my good days, I feel like a productive member of society. Yesterday was that day. Yesterday, I felt good about life. Today? Today, I woke up with a pit in my stomach, anxiety rising in my chest, and a cycle of inner voices telling me that I am not good enough. The house is still quiet, I walk over to the closet and stare at my clothes. Everything feels so far out of reach. After settling for jeans and a basic shirt, I find myself begging for energy, strength, motivation just to remain standing. Lowering myself to the ground, the tears cannot be stopped. Yesterday was a good day and today just started. What is my deal? No one should have to deal with me. No one should have to put up with my highs only to be disappointed by my extreme lows. The highs. The lows. Sometimes every day is a new battle. Those around me don’t know if they will get the cheerful, motivational, let’s tackle the world woman that they know and love, or the don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t expect much of me woman that I know and dread. The low days sneak around the corner and remind me of my weaknesses. They often appear with no warning and leave me questioning my value. Leaving me tearful, resistant, distracted, and frustrated. The inner voice on the low days tells me to hide. Don’t let them see you. They don’t want to hear your troubles. It tells me that I am a burden to those around me. I have become an expert hider. I would win at the game of hide and seek when it’s emotions that we are hiding. I can bury my emotions so deep that no one will find them. But what is the value in hiding? Where does the motivation to hide our low feelings come from? If I had a cold, I would likely openly share my discomfort. I would feel no embarrassment or shame in telling those around me the reason for feeling out of sorts. The symptoms of a physical condition are easy to share, easy to point out, and easy to explain. The symptoms of mental illness or a low day, are not as easy to explain and can leave behind the feeling of isolation. The feeling that no one could possibly understand. I want you to hear this: You are not alone. You are not a burden. You have a right to feel the low days and share your pain. You do not have to hide. Don’t be embarrassed or afraid to let your true self shine. The highs, the lows, they do not define your worth. You are more then a sum of your emotions. Emotions are a part of being human. They are natural and beautiful. They allow us to express and release the tensions brewing inside. I know firsthand that it is difficult, and I would like to encourage you today to stop hiding and start sharing your real, raw, wonderfully made self with those closest to you. Author: Crystal

Power of Love

Love. Joy. Kindness, Parenting /

Crystal / August 24, 2018

It was one of those mornings. You know, the one where you wake up immediately cranky and feel like the whole universe is conspiring against you. It started as usual with our German Shepherd, Bailey, whining in my face impatiently asking to go outside. Which quickly led to our Pit Bull, Maggie, pouncing at my head joining efforts to get me out of bed. Grumbly all the way to the door, I hear “MOM! I can’t find my car!” Chase, our 3-year-old, frantically woke up. Opening the door to the backyard, the dogs race outside. My eyes were still sleepy, trying to take in the chaos of the morning. Chase is having a full on melt down by the time I get to his room. “My Car! It’s gone!” He wailed. “Hey bud, Your car is right here. It just fell on the floor.” “My car, my car, my car.” He remained inconsolable. “Chase,” holding the car up for him to see. “It’s right here.” “Oh.” He takes a deep breath in as the tears continued down his face. We stumbled through the morning with similar events. After struggling to get Chase dressed, shoes on, and buckled into the car seat. We are finally on our way to Chase’s pre-school. “Mom, mom, mama, mom, mom.” “Yes Chase?” “Mama. Mama. Mama.” “Yes Chase? What do you need?” “I want my car!” Chase whines. “Can you tell me why you don’t have your car right now?” “No. I was listening! I want my car. I want my car.” “CHASE JUST STOP!” I harshly yelled in a desperate attempt to stop the screaming. The screaming continued, as regret over my harsh tone, sinks in. “Fine. Here take it.” I place the car in the cup holder of his car seat. Before I know it, the red Lightening McQueen car comes straight past my head and hits the window with a loud thud. Taking a deep breath in, I remained quiet listening to the screams of my 3-year-old. How did this so quickly get out of hand? Pulling into the pre-school parking lot, I found a parking spot, and put the car in park. Turning my head, I take in the sight. Chase looked at me through tear-filled eyes. “I love you, Chase.” Instantly his screams stopped. His eyes got wide. “Oh.” He took in a few short breaths, gasping for air, trying to catch his breath. After several seconds, his little voice quietly cut through the now silent car. “I love you too mom.” “If you can tell me why you don’t have your car right now, I will happily give it back to you.” “Mom, I am so sorry I hit you and threw my car and didn’t listen.” Handing the car back to my son, I am quickly reminded how powerful love can be. My frustrations that morning led to my decision to take away toys, yell, and attempt to force my three-year-old to move along at my pace. All of which were met with resistance. When I was able to move my emotions from anger to love, that was the break through moment. That was the moment that I was able to get my three-year-old on board with me, moving in the same direction. What areas in your life could use a break through moment? Is it possible that love and kindness will begin to break ground in that impossible battle? We can’t control how others react to our kindness, but we can control our thoughts. Showing love and kindness even when undeserved will begin habits for healthy thinking. Letting go of the frustrations, the past mistakes, the resentment and choosing love is a great step in shifting your mindset. Shifting your habits to promote good mental health. Author: Crystal

Diets. Lifestyle. Body Image.

Body Image, Self Worth /

Crystal / August 17, 2018

Instantly the smell of freshly baked cookies finds me in the doorway. Following the scent, my nose tracks the smell to the kitchen where I find my husband carefully putting the finishing touches on his newest baking endeavor. “Thought I would surprise you with your favorite.” My husband smiles when he sees me in the entryway. Is there anything better than a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie right from the oven? Accepting his invitation to this heavenly cookie, my enjoyment comes to a crashing halt as soon as the cycle of negative self-talk comes rushing in. Should you really be eating this? This isn’t the healthiest of choice, now is it? Your husband made them for you so now you are forced to put bad food choices into your body. Two cookies should really be your limit. Well you didn’t eat a very health lunch, so maybe you should limit yourself to one cookie. You’ve probably gained five pounds just in that first bite. If only I would have eaten healthier earlier today, then I wouldn’t feel so guilty about eating these cookies. All this guilt and shame that I heap upon myself over one simple cookie. Instead of being overjoyed that my husband took the time to bake my favorite, my thoughts are consumed with worry. When did certain foods become “bad” and certain foods become “good?” And when did the “bad” foods translate to “you are bad, because you eat that.” How often do we judge ourselves and those around us on the food choices that we make? Or talk openly at social events about which foods are good and healthy and which foods are bad and shouldn’t be touched? How often do we allow the guilt over eating the “right” foods dictate our choices? We allow our food choices to dictate which social events we attend, the time of day we can eat, or even the value we place on ourselves. Somehow our culture has convinced us that if we eat certain foods, we are of more value then another person that eats other types of foods. Healthy choices have been linked to good mental and physical health. But what do healthy choices really look like? A simple google search will produce thousands of articles on dieting, health eating, and lifestyle change. Each one claiming to have the key to happier, healthier lives. While eating each food group in moderation may have some nutritional benefits, at what point does our “healthy eating” become “food shaming?” And at what point does our “healthy eating” began to lower our quality of life? The food we eat should not define our worth as a person. Often, we allow food to do just that. Perhaps we need to re-examine what healthy looks like. Our mental and physical health should always become before our desire to change our physical appearance. Think about the last time you felt guilty about food, decided to start your next diet trend, or hit up the gym. Was your motivation strictly to improve your mental and physical health? Or was the motivation to change your outward appearance the driving force? Every person has the power to define what healthy looks like for them. I would encourage you today to re-examine your motivations for healthy living. Begin to implement changes that will improve your mental and physical health. And stop shaming yourself and others over what food you choose to eat or not eat. Let’s begin to view each person as an individual and recognize that healthy looks different for each person. Give yourself grace today, remind yourself that you are in control. You have a spirit of power and of love. Use that to build others up, and most of all use it to build up yourself!

Crash in Aisle Two

PTSD, You are not alone /

Crystal / August 3, 2018

Walking into Target, my one year old in the cart, I scan the entry way. Everyone looks suspicious. They cannot all be bad. Can they? I push ahead. Eyes darting around from one person to the next. My grocery list is tucked safely in my back pocket. My hand makes no attempt to reach for it. The chaos around me requires my full attention to navigate. Who just touched my shoulder? Quickly my head turns to the side to catch a glimpse of the culprit. She carries on like nothing happened. My eyes immediately find my child. He is safe. Rounding aisle three of the store, I am too far from the exit. Too far from my escape route. There up ahead. Two men enter aisle three. Why are they looking at us? What could they possibly want? I must protect my child. Quickly, my body turns the cart in the opposite direction. Picking up speed, my cart rounds the corner to aisle two. My mind calculating the quickest way out of the store. SMASH! The sound of two carts colliding stops me in my tracks. The judgement on the woman’s face. She thinks I am a terrible mom, but if she only knew that the men in the aisle over are trying to steal my child, then she would understand. Quickly moving the cart around the woman that I just ran into, my mind continues to plot the fastest way to the parking lot. To the safety of our car. Abandoning the cart near the front of the store, we make our exit. Relief washes over me. No one has followed. My car is in sight. The groceries will have to wait. Looking back on this moment, I cannot help but think about the woman in aisle two. I can imagine that she had her own stressors that day. Simply wanting to grab a few items from the local Target and get home to her family. Imagine her surprise when a woman and child come crashing into her cart while she’s looking at the salad dressings in aisle two. She could have gone home that day and described the scene. “A crazed woman with a baby in the cart, who looked like she hadn’t showered in days, ran right into my cart today! And then just took off.” She had no way of knowing that I was struggling with the symptoms of PTSD and vicarious trauma. No way of knowing that I had convinced myself that the men in aisle three were trying to steal my child. There is always going to be a reason to point out the wrong doings of others. There will always be reasons to hate, hold a grudge. I would like to encourage you today to remember that each person has a story and you might be encountering that person in the lowest part of their story. I would not want to be judged based on my lowest, most hopeless days. For the lady in aisle two, she was forced to react to a situation that she did not ask for. She could have yelled, sought revenge, or allowed this moment to ruin the rest of her day. However, I would like to think that she could have saw the pain in my eyes and choose a different response. What if, instead of condemning me for my actions, she chose to quickly forgive and recognize that there is more to the story then just a reckless irresponsible mother? The actions of others, whether positive or negative, always have a reason behind them. No one acts without reason. Without something driving that choice. For me, “the crash in aisle two,” was caused by the motivation to protect my child. I had no way of convincing myself that the threats were not real. These actions forced another person to make a choice. A choice that she did not ask for. I would encourage everyone to seek kindness and understanding and use that as your reason to act. Show kindness to the most undeserving. You might use that power to change the course of someone’s life. Author: Crystal

Denial. Isolation. Flight.

Depression, Marriage, You are not alone /

Crystal / July 27, 2018

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment that isolation began to creep into our lives, but slowly my husband and I experienced a steady drift toward isolation. It’s amazing looking back. One day we were the happy, power couple that would be together forever, shared every moment of success and failure, and simply did life together. The next day, we were passing ships. Lost in a world of panic attacks, nightmares, paralyzing anxiety, and fear. Passing ships that would eventually reach for permanent separation as a way out. A way to fix the pain. Naturally one would think that two best friends and life partners would connect over experiencing similar symptoms. Our mental illnesses were caused by separate events, but the symptoms were eerily similar, as were our coping styles. Denial. Isolation. Flight. Thoughts around “This is all in my head.” “I should be able to handle this.” “No one would understand.” “It’s not as bad as what other people have” “No one has noticed a change in me.” Whatever the reason for the timing, my husband and I were struck with the impact of mental illness at the same time. Unable to provide comfort or support to the other. How can two people, best friends and life partners, be sharing the same experience but still feel so alone? It was during the lowest time in our marriage, that I knew something needed to change. Symptoms that should have been obvious, had been ignored for too long. The sound of a scream on TV would send me running for cover, even in the safety of my own home. The nightmares that would come at night would soon become the reason I would live on 3 hours of sleep each night. The simple brush of my arm in a crowded space would mean that I was being violated against my will. The ring of my phone meant that there was another person calling me that I couldn’t help. Another person that needed a Social Worker with better skills than I. Hopelessness, social withdrawal, avoided eye contact, chest pain, flashbacks. Survival mode. My body and mind were doing anything it could to hide from the fears in my mind. Which meant hiding from family, friends, co-workers, and even my husband, the one true love in my life. Somehow, I even brushed off a hospital stay as a “fluke.” I was seen in the emergency room for severe abdominal pain, vomiting blood, chest pain, difficulty breathing, and irregular heartbeat and still I refused all follow-up care after the hospital visit because the doctors didn’t find anything physically wrong with me. The power of mental illness does not only affect your mind. Often the physical changes will be the first symptoms noticed. It was several months after my visit to the hospital that I finally sought treatment. After learning about my own symptoms, it became abundantly obvious that my husband was experiencing similar symptoms. Even though we had already begun the separation process, I pushed him to seek help for his symptoms. To my surprise, he followed through on his first appointment and learned that he was living with combat PTSD, OCD, and Major Depression. It was a long road to recovery for the two of us and there were mistakes that were made during this time. A time of survival. A time of seeking for anything to heal the pain, anything to distract from the living nightmare that had us trapped inside. The greatest lesson we have learned along the way, is to let people in. There are people that will understand. There are people that want to help you through and stand with you, but they cannot do that if they are not given the opportunity. Isolation is a dangerous and scary place to live. Take the first step today to reach out to someone. Schedule an appointment, find a support group, confide in a friend. The hope that comes with healing, is more than worth it. The loneliness that you may be feeling now will not last forever. In fact, the struggles that we are handed in life are bound to make us more compassionate, understanding, and strong. Use your low points in life, to prove that your trials and troubles do not define you. Tell your fear and doubts that you are in control. Author: Crystal

My Inner Critic

Love. Joy. Kindness, MH Awareness, You are not alone /

Crystal / July 19, 2018

Walking into our local coffee shop, I anxiously waited for the other members of the group to arrive. It was my first time joining a group like this one. Chipping off my freshly painted nail polish from my fingernails, I watched for anyone that might be associated with the group. A friendly smiling face approached me and introduced herself as the leader of the women’s church group. Feeling like a fraud, I wanted to run out the front doors, but my feet felt like heavy weights that were keeping me frozen in place. A few others joined us at the large table and the natural progression of small talk began. Simple questions like “Are you married? Do you have any kids?” Questions that should be easy for anyone to answer. Ones that don’t require a lot of thought. When the eyes of the group turned to me, I instantly broke down in tears. Watching the confused looks on the faces around me, I felt the need to explain. But where would I even begin? The truth was that I had just learned hours before that I had been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and vicarious trauma from my work as a social worker. Vicarious trauma, otherwise known as Compassion Fatigue, occurs from exposure to hearing trauma stories from others and being a direct witness to the emotional residue that is associated with that trauma. At the same time, my husband and I were going through separation after 8 years of marriage (Spoiler Alert: I am overjoyed to say that we did not follow through on divorce and just celebrated 9 years of marriage.) The jumbled mess of an explanation that came out next was through many tears and sobbing. I think it went something like, “My name is Crystal. I don’t know if I am married anymore. My husband has untreated combat PTSD and he has moved out. I apparently have vicarious trauma, depression, and anxiety. But we have one child, he’s 3.” Being someone that normally keeps all her feelings and emotions inside, I wanted to bolt for the exit. What could these well put together ladies possibly be thinking of me now? I quickly learned that my inner critic was much harsher then the opinions of those at the table. Instead of the judgement and shame I was expecting, I was met with love and compassion. For the next hour the group shared stories of relationship struggle and encounters with mental illness. The connection with others that had experienced similar stories brought a calm to my world. I wasn’t alone. One of these amazing women, was Elizabeth. Through conversation with her I learned that she lives with Bipolar Disorder and that we shared a similar passion of mental health awareness. In the coming months we would bond over importance of mental health. Our discussions eventually led us to pursue co-leading a peer-led mental health support group, which we successfully launched and run each month. The women from the church group were some of our first fans cheering us on when our hours of discussion and research paid off. Through Elizabeth’s unconditional love, support, and advice she has helped me in this road to recovery. It is with immense joy and honor that I announce that Elizabeth has accepted my invitation to contribute to this blog site. Please help me welcome Elizabeth as an author on the Hope in a Hopeless World site. Check out the “About Elizabeth” tab and watch for up-coming posts from her.

Introduction

Introduction /

Crystal / July 17, 2018

Welcome to the first ever entry on Hope in a Hopeless World Blog Page! Just a few weeks ago, my husband and I visited a winery with some close friends. As we sat on the wooden bar stools near the owner, I noticed a young couple walk in and sit down next to us. Within minutes, the young man strikes up a conversation with the owner of the small establishment by saying, “How long have you had Diabetes?” The question seemed out of no where, at least for me someone who does not live with diabetes. I have yet to figure out what clued him in. The owner without hesitation responded to the question by offering up detailed information about her diagnosis. For the next 30 minutes they spoke of their struggles with the illness, treatment options, new studies that show promise for those with the condition, effects on daily life, and possible causes. It was an immediate connection with a complete stranger. There was no shame or fear of judgement over talking about their shared physical condition. On the way home, I thought about my own current and past diagnoses: PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Eating Disorder, Vicarious Trauma. Then I started to think about my own circle of family, friends, and acquaintances and began to count all those that are aware of my diagnoses. I could only come up with a handful of people that were aware of all 5 diagnoses, and even fewer who know what mental illness looks like for me. What makes physical illness so much easier to talk about then mental illness? Often mental illness can feel isolating. It can feel like you alone are the only one that feels lost in a world without hope. According to National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), “Approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S.—43.8 million, or 18.5%—experiences mental illness in a given year.” That’s just in one given year! Yet, we don’t talk about mental illness like we do physical illness. Why is that? Why can’t we discuss the challenges that come with mental illness, up coming research, potential causes, and treatment options, without feeling judged? Then I thought, maybe we can! Maybe it starts with us, those that are living with a mental illness or know someone that is. Maybe it starts with transparency, vulnerability. Bravery to say I have a mental illness, this is what it looks like, and this is what works for me.My hope through this blog is to share my story, my life, and the lessons I have learned along the way. In doing so, I hope that it provides connection and conversation for those that feel like they are alone. If you or someone you know lives with mental illness, I would love to hear from you! In the comments below, share your story of resilience and where you find hope in a world that can feel hopeless. We do not have a spirit of fear, but of Power, Love, and Self-Control. – 2 Timothy 1:7