I love the days when my spirit is high, and my motivation level is in it’s prime. These are the days that I feel accomplished, not needing the reassurance or reminders of my worth. On my good days, I feel like a productive member of society.

Yesterday was that day. Yesterday, I felt good about life.

Today? Today, I woke up with a pit in my stomach, anxiety rising in my chest, and a cycle of inner voices telling me that I am not good enough.

The house is still quiet, I walk over to the closet and stare at my clothes. Everything feels so far out of reach. After settling for jeans and a basic shirt, I find myself begging for energy, strength, motivation just to remain standing. Lowering myself to the ground, the tears cannot be stopped.

Yesterday was a good day and today just started. What is my deal?

No one should have to deal with me.

No one should have to put up with my highs only to be disappointed by my extreme lows.

The highs. The lows. Sometimes every day is a new battle. Those around me don’t know if they will get the cheerful, motivational, let’s tackle the world woman that they know and love, or the don’t touch me, don’t talk to me, don’t expect much of me woman that I know and dread.

The low days sneak around the corner and remind me of my weaknesses. They often appear with no warning and leave me questioning my value. Leaving me tearful, resistant, distracted, and frustrated.

The inner voice on the low days tells me to hide. Don’t let them see you. They don’t want to hear your troubles. It tells me that I am a burden to those around me.

I have become an expert hider. I would win at the game of hide and seek when it’s emotions that we are hiding. I can bury my emotions so deep that no one will find them.

But what is the value in hiding? Where does the motivation to hide our low feelings come from?

If I had a cold, I would likely openly share my discomfort. I would feel no embarrassment or shame in telling those around me the reason for feeling out of sorts. The symptoms of a physical condition are easy to share, easy to point out, and easy to explain.

The symptoms of mental illness or a low day, are not as easy to explain and can leave behind the feeling of isolation. The feeling that no one could possibly understand.

I want you to hear this: You are not alone.

You are not a burden.

You have a right to feel the low days and share your pain. You do not have to hide.

Don’t be embarrassed or afraid to let your true self shine. The highs, the lows, they do not define your worth. You are more then a sum of your emotions.

Emotions are a part of being human. They are natural and beautiful. They allow us to express and release the tensions brewing inside.

I know firsthand that it is difficult, and I would like to encourage you today to stop hiding and start sharing your real, raw, wonderfully made self with those closest to you.

Author: Crystal