Hope in a Hopeless World

Mental Health Outreach

Post Page

Forgive Your Past and Be Set Free

Forgiveness /
Elizabeth / July 29, 2020

There is a saying, “Don’t let the past haunt you.” I have definitely allowed this to happen in my own life. Past hurts, past choices, past relationships. Past circumstances and past seasons. While it’s good to learn from our past, we should not dwell on it and allow it to take over our present life. I recently started seeing a new therapist and after one session she already had me thinking about how my past is affecting my present. She began putting names to events I have gone through and helped me realize that several of them were traumatic. I am still holding onto them in one way or another because I haven’t allowed myself to forgive my past. In an interview entitled How to Forgive and Let Go of Your Past, Joyce Meyer said: “If people can understand that as long as they don’t forgive, they are poisoning themselves. Hating somebody that’s hurt you is like taking poison hoping they’ll die.” Joyce acknowledged that a lot people want to forgive, but don’t know how to do it. She says we can decide to forgive, but not actually walk it out in our lives by taking the necessary action. We have to recognize this and acknowledge that when we do this, we are still taking in that poison. There are several actions we can put into practice in different areas of our lives that can help us deal with unresolved bitterness, forgive our past and ultimately overcome evil with good: 1) Thought Action: Change how you think about others and your past experiences by praying for blessings for those that have hurt you. This can be a very difficult thing to do, but also transformational. Instead of thinking negatively about your hurts and your past, ask God to bless others through it. 2) Talking Action: Stop talking unkindly about people who have hurt you. Words are powerful. When we speak unkindly about someone we are ultimately allowing them tocontinue to hurt us, sometimes years after the incident occurred. 3) Feeling Action: Ask God to help change how you feel. Sometimes we can change how we think and talk, but our feelings don’t follow suit. We might still feel angry, sad, orfearful about a person or experience. It will take time for these feelings to subside, but with patience and help, you can overcome the feelings of hurt. 4) Walking Action: Do things God prompts you to do, even if you don’t want to or don’t feel like it. This is where you put yourself out there. You’ve worked on your thoughts, your words and your feelings and now it’s time to put them into practice. I have many things to work through, but just like we can forgive others and forgive ourselves, we can also forgive our past. We don’t have to let it hold us captive. We can forgive our past and be set free.

Self Forgiveness

Forgiveness /
Crystal / June 2, 2020

The warmer whether is here and it’s what we look forward to all winter. Yet for me the change in temperature comes with a drastic change in energy level. I can feel the heaviness in my legs, arms, feet, and eyes. Lifting one foot in front of the other feels impossible at times. The heaviness consumes my mind if am not careful. It is easy to feel the helplessness creep in.  We are quick to offer grace and forgiveness to friends or others when they have “less productive” days or challenging times and yet we don’t offer ourselves the same courtesy. Let’s change that! Here are a few tips toward self forgiveness: 1. Acknowledge. What areas in your life do you need to offer yourself forgiveness? And what areas do you need to offer acceptance? There is a difference between these two. For example, I should not feel guilt over the low energy that comes with summer. This is out of my control and accepting this part of me helps to let go of some of the pressure. And I should forgive myself for the negative self-talk that might come with it. The way I talk to myself and treat my body is within my control. When I choose to speak poorly about myself, this is not healthy or helpful.  2.Forgive. Once you have identified those ineffective and harmful actions you are making to your body. Spend some time thinking about what is helpful and what is harmful then offer forgiveness to yourself for those harmful things. 3. Change. Make realistic changes to your thoughts and actions. Give yourself permission to start small. For me, I may not have energy to do all the things that I can in the cooler months but I can be kind to myself and develop a more realistic plan. It might mean that I don’t get all the active work-outs or projects done, but I can choose to continue to eat foods that make my body feel good. In what areas will you offer yourself forgiveness this week? How might you use these steps to process? Let’s be kind to our minds and bodies and allow ourselves space to make mistakes, to process those mistakes, and to make plans to do better. 

Job’s Reality

MH Awareness, You are not alone /
Job W / May 18, 2020

How has mental illness impacted your life? I have struggled with PTSD, major depression, OCD, and a fear of crowds. All of these stemmed from my time serving in Iraq. My mental illness caused me to shut people out of my life and close off my emotions. For many years I didn’t realize how much these things were impacting my life. Now looking back I can see that I was looking for ways to numb the pain, wasn’t sleeping at night, and was over working to distract my mind. I would often be angry at little things causing me to withdraw from people even more. Living in survival mode every day was painful for me and everyone around me. What does it look like for you to be mentally healthy? Communication is a big part of staying mentally healthy. Talking things through has helped me so much. I continue to go to talk therapy. I also talk through problems, concerns, and symptoms with my wife and family which is something I never did before. Accepting that symptoms of mental illness may never be completely gone, but knowing that I can manage my symptoms has given me hope. Now days, I still struggle with sleeping problems (not being able to fall asleep and having nightmares). There has been progress toward managing sleep, but it is still a work in progress. Compared to where I was before, I can say that the trial and error of finding the right treatment is worth it. Even with some aspects unresolved, my life has joy again.

Elizabeth’s Truth

Bipolar, MH Awareness, You are not alone /
Elizabeth / May 14, 2020

#YouAreNotAlone #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth How has mental illness impacted your life? Mental illness has affected my life in many ways. It can keep me in bed all day. It can give me boosts of energy. It can make me emotionless. It can make me irritable, bring deep sadness and moments of elation. It is challenging and ever-changing. Mental illness has a mind of its own, inside my own mind.  What does mental health look like for you? Mental health has been a learning process.  It has been about getting to know myself. It has been acceptance of my illness and treatment regimen as part of my reality, but not allowing it to define me, or what I can accomplish. It has been a team effort of doctors, therapists, family, friends and other peers who live with mental illness. It has been about learning to let others in. Helping others in their own journeys in living with mental illness has become my passion and has given me purpose in life. I want to be part of setting a new example for future generations to come so that it becomes the norm to be open about mental illness. Together we can live successful and happy lives by providing each other with the support we need.

Crystal’s Journey

MH Awareness, You are not alone /
Crystal / May 5, 2020

#YouAreNotAlone #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth How has mental illness impacted your life? This question for me is a difficult one to answer. Mostly because mental illness has been so subtly dangerous throughout my life. It is hard for me to decipher the irregular thoughts and moods from the normal human emotions. I tend to cycle through anxiety, depression, and a healthy mind. From the outside, I may look the same on a good day, anxious day, or depressed day. Anxiety impacts my life through hypervigilance, the constant awareness of threats or danger. With this comes other common symptoms of anxiety such as difficulty breathing, racing thoughts, unwanted thoughts, and irritability. Depression for me often results in low motivation, lack of interest in anyone or anything, social isolation, and overwhelming hopelessness. Anxiety and depression have been at the base of my mind and left unmanaged have resulted in escalated complications with my health. I have experienced eating disorders, compassion fatigue, post-traumatic stress disorder, and physical symptoms leading to ER and hospital visits. The thoughts of “others have it worse off than me” and “my issues are so minor compared to the issues others have” led to dismissive behavior. I often ignored the warning signs and denied my mind and body of the healing and treatment it was so desperately craving. What does mental health look like for you? Mental health for me is not the absence of symptoms, rather it is in my ability to manage these symptoms. Just like physical health must be maintained, so does mental health. The things that keep my mind in a healthy place depend on the season of life and the symptoms I am experiencing. Journaling, prayer, therapy, meditation, yoga, walks, scheduling quiet times, and communicating to the people around me what I need, all contribute to a health mind for me. On days that I feel anxiety or depression symptoms heighten, it helps me to make a list for the day. The list might be a to-do list for the day or a reminder of what helps me cope with depression or anxiety. If depression or anxiety is heavy that day, my list might be quite simple such as get dressed, wash my face, brush my teeth, and step outside. Some days are good, and some days are hard. The kindest thing I can do for myself is offer my mind and body grace on the hard days.

Don’t Offer Platitudes

Support for Family and Friends /
Crystal / March 10, 2020

In the fall of 2017, my world had been turned upside down. Depression, marital separation, and hopelessness made surviving each day seem impossible. I vividly remember standing in my kitchen wondering if my legs could continue to hold me up. As I leaned my back against the counter, my head was spinning from unwanted thoughts. I lowered myself to the ground and buried my head into my arms. My mom, who was visiting that evening, walked over and sat down next to me. I don’t remember the words she said, it was her presence and willingness to sit in the uncomfortable pain of the moment that stands out. The willingness to help carry the heartache. I’m not sure now long we sat there, but when I did stand up, my eyes were drawn to a card from a close friend. Amongst other words of encouragement it said “Don’t be afraid to feel the feels.” We as a society tend to be afraid to feel the hard stuff. It’s often easier to offer platitudes rather than holding space for the person to process. Platitudes are oversimplified phrases that are used to calm our minds or provide reassurance especially during difficult times. We may find ourselves saying things like: “Good things come to those who wait.” or “Time heals all wounds” or “Everything happens for a reason” or “Everything always works out in the end.” While some platitudes may hold truth, they don’t allow the mind to process the necessary emotions. These simple phrases may also minimize someone’s pain, causing them to feel unheard or dismissed. Instead of common platitudes hold space, be comfortable with silence,  offer grace for the hard days, and most importantly don’t be afraid of hard emotions. They are a gift that allow healing. Author: Crystal

Mystery of Joy

Love. Joy. Kindness /
Elizabeth / February 8, 2020

“But, do you feel joy?” Our mental health support group had been discussing the side effects of medication, in particular flattened emotions. That “meh” attitude towards everything. These beautiful people, new friends who I have had the pleasure of getting to know over the past few years, were describing the difficulty of not experiencing emotions.  Normal, everyday human emotions that most people don’t think twice about. One was struck by the fact that he wasn’t excited for the new Star Wars movie that came out.  Another described not being able to enjoy the beauty of nature like she used to.  We discussed how long it takes to actually feel again. “Yes, I do,” was his initial, slightly hesitant response. A few minutes later he asked if we could go back to the question as he wanted to clarify his answer. He then explained that he has felt happiness but doesn’t think he has ever experienced true joy that he has heard other people talk about. I admired his honest and specific answer. It was his clarification that made me start to think about the difference between the two – happiness and joy. Is happiness a temporary feeling and joy a long-lasting state of being? If so, then can one feel unhappy and still be joyful at the same time? It got me thinking about my own life, current and past circumstances, and different periods of time when I didn’t feel happy. Or was it that I didn’t have joy? Being the nerd that I am, I looked up the dictionary definitions of these two similar, yet different things: Happy = Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment Joy = The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation. If it were a math equation, which would be the correct answer? A. Happy > Joy B. Joy < Happy C. Joy > Happy Just kidding, this is not a test (but the correct answer, in my opinion, is C).  Okay, so if we can agree that joy is greater than happiness (meaning more fulfilling), then what sets it apart?  Happiness is a “surface” feeling. It is something you can feel or experience in a moment but isn’t something that usually lasts very long. Joy on the other hand is a deep, soul filling, heartwarming state of emotional being.  It can’t easily be dissolved or distinguished by life’s circumstances and can withstand hardships. Happiness can come and go, throughout the day or week, the months, or the years. But what about joy? Is it available to each of us at any time? “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” – David Steindl-Rast When I read this quote it reminded me again of that pressing question asked during our discussion, “Do you feel joy?”  If it really is gratitude that makes us joyful, then what if joy isn’t something we find, feel, or experience at all?  What if joy is a way of life that we much seek, learn and master? My current truth: I have been allowing the temporary circumstances of life overshadow the overwhelming joy that I know is available to me.  One of my “temporary circumstances” that doesn’t feel temporary at all is my depression. Depression can be a persistent, dark and seemingly endless cloud over our lives. Depression can decrease our happiness – the feeling of pleasure. But are we giving it too much power? Are we allowing it to steal our joy or are we diligently and intentionally taking steps towards gratitude and joy every day? Depression is serious. It will bring you down. It will take you out. With one swift blow straight to the shins. We must get up. We must push ahead, slowly, yes. But forward. Once small step at a time. Did I mention, you don’t have to do this alone? Reach out, lean on others, and accept help. Embrace hope. Cultivate gratitude. Choose joy.

Savor the Moment

Love. Joy. Kindness /
Crystal / November 25, 2019

Slowly I open the door to the bedroom that our two sweet boys share. I tiptoe quietly across the room past the empty bed of our 5 year old, who has already been up for hours on this dark fall morning. Peering into the crib on the far side of the room, I see our one year old sound asleep. I rub his back before I gently lift him out of the crib. He has no interest in waking up and without openning his eyes he snuggles into me. His gentle breathing combines with the soft music on the radio playing in the room.  These are the moments I want to remember. Our lives may be full of chaos and uncertainty much of the time, but taking a few minutes to pause in the sweet moments of life can remind us just how much we have to be thankful for.  I close my eyes, take deep breath in, and memorize this moment. Intentionally noticing the feelings and sensations around me. Often my day is consumed with worry, rushed schedules, and stressors. The practice of gratitude can be a challenging at times. Truly taking in the things that bring joy, helps to calm my day. What moments do you want to pause and savor today?  Even on days when it’s hard to be thankful, take a moment to pause on something good and stay there for a while. Author: Crystal

Protecting those that Protect Us

PTSD, Self Worth, Support for Family and Friends /
Crystal / November 11, 2019

This past week I heard the devastating news that two Minnesota police officers died by suicide. My heart breaks for what these men experienced in the days, months, and years leading up to their final moments. The tears quietly fall from my eyes as I think about the family they left behind. As I let the tears fall, I reflect back to a time, in the not so distant past, where I wondered if today would be the day that I would get that call. Several times I had wondered, “Would today be the day that someone shows up at my house to tell me that my husband died by suicide?” Fortunately for me, that moment never came. Later I would find out that my fears were too close to becoming reality.  My husband spent 12 years serving in the Minnesota Army National Guard. It is here that he would make life long friends and find purpose in serving his country. It is also where he would witness horrific and tragic events that no human should ever have to see.  Coming home he would suffer in silence as he relived the tragedies. During the day simple conversations or things in his environment would trigger memories. At night it was the nightmares that felt too real.  Suicide is not selfish.  Living in the constant place of trauma is unbearable and affects every moment of life. My husband would later tell me that he firmly believed that his family would be better off without him as a burden to daily life. He believed that because of the things he experienced and did during his time overseas, that the world didn’t need him around.  He saw suicide as a selfless act to spare others from the monster he believed himself to be.  I’ll never forget the day my husband opened up about his experiences; calling himself worthless. This strong, brave protector couldn’t see the hero that I saw.  The men and women that are called to protect us on U.S. ground or overseas come in different forms; military branches, police officers, and first responders. As a community indebted to these men and women, we need to rally together to protect those that are called to protect us.  Take a first step in showing that support by learning more about what these men and women go through. Research things to say and not say when you have the opportunity to have a conversation with them.  Show them the love and support they deserve.  In honor of Veteran’s Day, take some time to learn how you, as a community member, can help those that protect you every day.  Not sure where to start? See the articles linked below. 💜 Author: Crystal How to talk to and support a Vet: https://warontherocks.com/2017/11/how-to-talk-to-a-veteran/ https://www.brainline.org/article/caring-veteran-ptsd-what-do-you-need-know Caregiver Resources: http://www.caregiver.va.gov/ Impact Stories from Police and Veteran: https://theofficernextdoor.com/2018/07/26/its-not-normal/ https://hopeinahopelessworld.com/2018/08/12/survivors-guilt-guest-author-job-w/

Look who’s up!

Communication, Parenting, You are not alone /
Crystal / November 3, 2019

I climbed up the steep stairs of my grandparents lake house. I wondered if anyone is awake yet, in this dark quiet house. As my small child size legs reached the top of the stairs, I could smell the fresh brewed coffee and the familiar sounds of the news playing on the TV in the background. “Well look who’s up!” I can still see the big grin on my papa’s smiling face, as he turned toward me. That simple statement and excitement still makes my heart feel warm and my spirit feel welcomed. Today, I am sitting in my dark living room, reflecting back on this short by rich memory. I would be embarrassed to admit that I am dreading the moment my children wake up. I love my children dearly, it’s just that I am so physically and mentally exhausted. Taking care of my own needs is hard enough on days like these. I think of the way that the welcoming words of my papa in those early mornings uplifted my spirit and still do even after he has passed on. A gentle reminder that the words and attitude that I use toward my children can have lasting impacts. My mind and body may be tired, but a simple smile and friendly morning greeting seems doable. Taking a deep breath in, I enjoy the last few minutes of silence. Hearing the rustling of blankets being thrown off and little feet scurrying down the hallway, I look toward the noise to see my 5 year old rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “You are awake! Good morning buddy.” I say with a smile. His immediate grin is followed by rushing over for snuggles on the couch. Not every morning starts like this. Sometimes I forget that my words have great meaning to my kids. When I stop to pay attention, it amazes me how much my actions and words influence my small family. What have you noticed in the world around you? How have your actions and words influenced others? The simple words of my papa in days long ago still play in my mind. What words of yours will play in the minds of others? Choose kindness. Choose to uplift even if all you can do that day is lend a smile. It’s the small everyday actions that go a long way. Author: Crystal