You are not alone | Hope in a Hopeless World

Job’s Reality

Job W / May 18, 2020

How has mental illness impacted your life? I have struggled with PTSD, major depression, OCD, and a fear of crowds. All of these stemmed from my time serving in Iraq. My mental illness caused me to shut people out of my life and close off my emotions. For many years I didn’t realize how much these things were impacting my life. Now looking back I can see that I was looking for ways to numb the pain, wasn’t sleeping at night, and was over working to distract my mind. I would often be angry at little things causing me to withdraw from people even more. Living in survival mode every day was painful for me and everyone around me. What does it look like for you to be mentally healthy? Communication is a big part of staying mentally healthy. Talking things through has helped me so much. I continue to go to talk therapy. I also talk through problems, concerns, and symptoms with my wife and family which is something I never did before. Accepting that symptoms of mental illness may never be completely gone, but knowing that I can manage my symptoms has given me hope. Now days, I still struggle with sleeping problems (not being able to fall asleep and having nightmares). There has been progress toward managing sleep, but it is still a work in progress. Compared to where I was before, I can say that the trial and error of finding the right treatment is worth it. Even with some aspects unresolved, my life has joy again.

Elizabeth’s Truth

Bipolar, MH Awareness, You are not alone /

Elizabeth / May 14, 2020

#YouAreNotAlone #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth How has mental illness impacted your life? Mental illness has affected my life in many ways. It can keep me in bed all day. It can give me boosts of energy. It can make me emotionless. It can make me irritable, bring deep sadness and moments of elation. It is challenging and ever-changing. Mental illness has a mind of its own, inside my own mind. What does mental health look like for you? Mental health has been a learning process. It has been about getting to know myself. It has been acceptance of my illness and treatment regimen as part of my reality, but not allowing it to define me, or what I can accomplish. It has been a team effort of doctors, therapists, family, friends and other peers who live with mental illness. It has been about learning to let others in. Helping others in their own journeys in living with mental illness has become my passion and has given me purpose in life. I want to be part of setting a new example for future generations to come so that it becomes the norm to be open about mental illness. Together we can live successful and happy lives by providing each other with the support we need.

Crystal’s Journey

MH Awareness, You are not alone /

Crystal / May 5, 2020

#YouAreNotAlone #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth How has mental illness impacted your life? This question for me is a difficult one to answer. Mostly because mental illness has been so subtly dangerous throughout my life. It is hard for me to decipher the irregular thoughts and moods from the normal human emotions. I tend to cycle through anxiety, depression, and a healthy mind. From the outside, I may look the same on a good day, anxious day, or depressed day. Anxiety impacts my life through hypervigilance, the constant awareness of threats or danger. With this comes other common symptoms of anxiety such as difficulty breathing, racing thoughts, unwanted thoughts, and irritability. Depression for me often results in low motivation, lack of interest in anyone or anything, social isolation, and overwhelming hopelessness. Anxiety and depression have been at the base of my mind and left unmanaged have resulted in escalated complications with my health. I have experienced eating disorders, compassion fatigue, post-traumatic stress disorder, and physical symptoms leading to ER and hospital visits. The thoughts of “others have it worse off than me” and “my issues are so minor compared to the issues others have” led to dismissive behavior. I often ignored the warning signs and denied my mind and body of the healing and treatment it was so desperately craving. What does mental health look like for you? Mental health for me is not the absence of symptoms, rather it is in my ability to manage these symptoms. Just like physical health must be maintained, so does mental health. The things that keep my mind in a healthy place depend on the season of life and the symptoms I am experiencing. Journaling, prayer, therapy, meditation, yoga, walks, scheduling quiet times, and communicating to the people around me what I need, all contribute to a health mind for me. On days that I feel anxiety or depression symptoms heighten, it helps me to make a list for the day. The list might be a to-do list for the day or a reminder of what helps me cope with depression or anxiety. If depression or anxiety is heavy that day, my list might be quite simple such as get dressed, wash my face, brush my teeth, and step outside. Some days are good, and some days are hard. The kindest thing I can do for myself is offer my mind and body grace on the hard days.

Look who’s up!

Communication, Parenting, You are not alone /

Crystal / November 3, 2019

I climbed up the steep stairs of my grandparents lake house. I wondered if anyone is awake yet, in this dark quiet house. As my small child size legs reached the top of the stairs, I could smell the fresh brewed coffee and the familiar sounds of the news playing on the TV in the background. “Well look who’s up!” I can still see the big grin on my papa’s smiling face, as he turned toward me. That simple statement and excitement still makes my heart feel warm and my spirit feel welcomed. Today, I am sitting in my dark living room, reflecting back on this short by rich memory. I would be embarrassed to admit that I am dreading the moment my children wake up. I love my children dearly, it’s just that I am so physically and mentally exhausted. Taking care of my own needs is hard enough on days like these. I think of the way that the welcoming words of my papa in those early mornings uplifted my spirit and still do even after he has passed on. A gentle reminder that the words and attitude that I use toward my children can have lasting impacts. My mind and body may be tired, but a simple smile and friendly morning greeting seems doable. Taking a deep breath in, I enjoy the last few minutes of silence. Hearing the rustling of blankets being thrown off and little feet scurrying down the hallway, I look toward the noise to see my 5 year old rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “You are awake! Good morning buddy.” I say with a smile. His immediate grin is followed by rushing over for snuggles on the couch. Not every morning starts like this. Sometimes I forget that my words have great meaning to my kids. When I stop to pay attention, it amazes me how much my actions and words influence my small family. What have you noticed in the world around you? How have your actions and words influenced others? The simple words of my papa in days long ago still play in my mind. What words of yours will play in the minds of others? Choose kindness. Choose to uplift even if all you can do that day is lend a smile. It’s the small everyday actions that go a long way. Author: Crystal

My Motherhood Truth

Parenting, You are not alone /

Natalie Brandt / October 9, 2019

Today I felt like I was not enough. Not enough patience. Not enough kindness. Not enough of me to meet the needs of others. Today I yelled. Today I cried. Today I wanted to just close my eyes. I didn’t want to find the positivity. I couldn’t sort through my exhaustion and frustration to pivot. I was just in it. In the yuck. One of those days when I felt like everything was going to bubble up and over at the most inopportune moment… right in the middle of a quiet library, of course. A pile of books to check out, soaking wet from the rain, fumbling through my receipts shoved into a disorganized wallet for the library card that is admittedly used too infrequently. And, of course, a child who was whining at a high volume due to a sudden development of a strong distaste for my lack of backpack water bottle selection and couldn’t wait a second longer for me to unearth a new option. This was coupled with a second child who was trying to wrestle her in his efforts to remind her to be quiet in the library. I don’t care which badges of honor you wear… a mom of one, mom of ten, working mom, stay at home mom, master of the family domain, new mom, seasoned mom, deliriously exhausted mom to a newborn, master referee and professional negotiator to toddlers, professional chauffeur to busy teens, or first time empty nest mom who is lying awake at night longing for her home to be filled with noise and chaos again. We are all mothers. We all have both the hardest job and most beautiful job available to human kind. I know these are the years to cherish. I know they will go quickly. It’s not lost on me how blessed I am. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I love my children with all of my heart. But sometimes in a world of social media highlights and relentless positivity, we have to be okay experiencing the yuck and be okay with not being okay. And be willing to say that out loud. I say this to all the mamas who may just need to know you’re not alone. Behind the smiles, behind the social media highlights, behind it all, we all have our moments of doubt, frustration, too muchery (this is what happens when I am only one cup of coffee in… I make up words). This is when we need to remember to give one another grace, gift each other with a smile, and forgive ourselves for today is a new day. Mamas, I see you. I hear you. I know you have your days too. And on those days, know you are not alone. Thank God for new days. Author: Natalie Brandt

Worst Day

Parenting, You are not alone /

Elizabeth / July 22, 2019

Not long before celebrating his eighth birthday a few weeks ago, my son asked me, “Mom, have you had a worst day of your life?” We were out kayaking on an overcast, yet calm afternoon and the question really caught me off guard. While I could think of several days that I would consider my worst, some incredibly recent and others not so much, there wasn’t really anything that was appropriate to share with his sweet innocent heart. I paused to choose my words carefully and briefly answered, “Oh I’ve had some pretty bad days honey, but nothing that God hasn’t been able to make better.” As vague as the answer was, it was the truth…at least eventually. Now, if one of my good friends had asked me this same question, I would have responded much differently. I would have explained the great pain and heartache that I experienced within weeks of the birth of my son. The feelings of euphoria and superwoman power and energy during and shortly after my pregnancy, and then the debilitating crash in the aftermath. I would have confided about the recollections of my psychiatric hospitalization and the long road of recovery that followed. While these are not the sort of memories I enjoy reminiscing about, I choose to share my story with others. Especially if I think it can help the person on the receiving end somehow. I truly believe there is power in my story. In every person’s story. At a recent service, our pastor spoke about how God takes our broken lives and pieces them back together in a beautiful way. Just like the Japanese art of a broken vase fused back together with gold, the final product is more valuable than ever before. If there is something broken in your life right now, there is hope. Some day, some how, it can be restored and made beautiful again. And there is nothing He can’t work with. It may not look exactly as you had planned or imagined, but that doesn’t make the end result any less wonderful. Later in the day, as I proudly watched my growing son insist on carrying all the grocery bags in from the car, I reflected on how much has changed over the past 8 years. As much as we might not be able to see it in the moment, the worst days (or weeks, months, or even years) of our lives can be preparing and equipping us for something so much greater than we could ever imagine. Stay hopeful friends. And don’t forget to reach out, and look up, during those worst days. We weren’t meant to do any of this alone. Author: Elizabeth

Darkness of Loneliness.

Depression, Marriage, You are not alone /

Crystal / January 26, 2019

When my husband and I decided to separate and talks of divorce begun, these became some of the loneliness days of my life. My world went from the chaos of being a wife and a mom, to a quiet house with little movement half of the time. I remember sitting in my 3-year-old’s room wondering who I am without my child here. Prior to the marital separation, there were days that I longed for a few moments of quiet, uninterrupted time. There were days when my mind was so deep into the darkness of depression that I thought running away from all my responsibilities would be the only way I would survive. But now here I was with no responsibilities and I didn’t feel better. I quickly realized that I was blaming the chaos of life for my low mood and little interest in life. With many of life’s responsibilities removed, I still had low energy, little interest in anything, and now a new feeling had surfaced: Loneliness. Looking back, I can see that the loneliness had crept in long before separating from my husband. Loneliness is one of those confusing emotions that can hit us when we are alone or even in the middle of a crowded room. It comes from not feeling connected with others or not being understood by those around you. It is one of the scariest places to live. Loneliness breathes life to hopelessness, diminished self-worth, and a cycle of unhealthy thinking. Thanksgiving of 2017 was a pivotal point in my journey. This would be the first major holiday away from my child. He would be spending the day with my soon-to-be ex husband and his family whom I still viewed as my own. The days leading up to Thanksgiving, I began to wonder if life was worth living. I hated who I was becoming and where my life was going. I was sitting on my bedroom floor feeling hopeless and alone, when my phone rang. It was my mom, who must have heard the pain in my voice and before I knew it, she was at my front door. She came with open arms and a bag full of food sent by the close friends she was with when she called. Don’t underestimate the impact of community and small acts of kindness. You never know when that simple phone, warm smile, or meal will be life changing for another person. In the months that followed, I decided that I needed to make some changes. I schedule an appointment with my therapist and began discussing ways to overcome the deep loneliness that I was feeling. I couldn’t change my life circumstances, but I could change how I approached it. I could take back the control over my life and be intentional about how I would spend my time. Ultimately these were the things that helped me the most: Talking about it. I scheduled weekly appointments with my therapist and was honest about how I was feeling. The power of talking should not be underestimated. You can pretend in front of strangers and acquaintances and even some family or friends, but someone should know your true feelings. Talk therapy has many benefits and was very effective for me. During these appointments I was also able to explore other avenues that would help me cope. Finding a community that understands. I joined a women’s group through my church and began to develop deep relationships with the ladies in that group. They would be a sturdy structure of support throughout the rough days ahead. This led to Elizabeth and I launching a Peer-Lead Mental Health Support group which then led to an online blog and mental health outreach. Journaling. Writing for me became therapeutic. There is a form of release that occurs from getting the thoughts and feelings out of my body and on to paper. I could let the true unfiltered thoughts and worries out of my mind, which allowed me to move past them. Learning more about mental health and spirituality. I began to read more about healthy thinking, symptoms of mental illness, and spirituality. Learning about why I was experiencing symptoms of mental illness and what I believed about spirituality was important for my journey through loneliness. I needed to learn for myself what my illness looked like and what I believed about this world. Loneliness is often an overlooked feeling that many don’t know how to respond to. I know that it can be overwhelming. There is hope. Continue to walk the path in front of you and trust that there is light at the end. Explore and find things along the way that help get you through the dark days. Join a support group, a church that you trust, confide in a friend or a therapist, begin to sort out your thoughts through journaling or learning. Do something that allows you to have control in your life. Author: Crystal

Dear Self

Self Worth, You are not alone /

Crystal / December 8, 2018

Dear Beautiful, Strong, & Compassionate Self, Today you are feeling confident, valued, and productive. Today you woke up with a spring in your step and a desire to make things happen. Today you care about people and have a kind heart. I know that this is not how you always feel. There are days that you wake up hating the world. You feel ugly, unappreciated, worthless. I want you to hear from me, the you on your good days. This day will come and go. Whether this is a good day or a bad day, it is 24 hours. It may seem like you will feel like this forever, but I am proof that you do not always feel this way. You have good days and you have bad days like everyone else. You do not always feel insecure and unproductive with low energy. When the hard days come around again, I want you to remember and embrace these truths: Emotions are good. You are allowed to feel annoyed, angry, frustrated, sad, confused. This is normal. Don’t fight or ignore them. Find helpful ways to release and feel the tough emotions. Yes, I know that you do not want to. Do it anyway. Everyone has good days, and everyone has bad days. This is not a character flaw. You cannot be at your best every day and that does not make you less worthy or capable You will not always feel this way. I know that it feels never-ending, but it will end. Bad days come, and they leave. Listen to you body. Your strong emotions are telling you something. Slow down, listen to what your body needs. Rest, take breaks, reflect. Do not feel guilty about your breaks, rest and reflection lead to better mood and productivity. Let others in. You may need time for solitude, quiet, and personal reflection. After you have allowed yourself to process, let others in. Community and connection are important even on the days that you feel tired and unworthy. At the end of the day, be proud that you accomplished another day of strong emotion. I know that it is not easy and you did it! Every day ends, make the most of this day. Even the pain has a great purpose in the bigger picture of life. Sincerely, The You on Your Good Days. Author: Crystal

Morning Anxiety

Anxiety, Work Struggles, You are not alone /

Crystal / October 5, 2018

After I posted “Monday Morning Blues” I heard from many of you that share similar morning struggles. Thank you for sharing your heart and hardships with me. The very next Monday, I did call into work for debilitating anxiety and an overwhelming feeling of “I just can’t today.” Morning anxiety had struck again. It wasn’t just Mondays it was starting to be Every. Single. Day. Inspired by your shared experiences, I set out to find ways to decrease this anxiety. After some internet research and a consult in my weekly therapy appointment, I had created a list of simple changes. Changes that I set out to test in the following weeks. If you struggle with morning anxiety, I would encourage you to try a few of the tips below. Prepare for the morning the best you can the night before.For me this meant, sitting down and making a list of everything that I have to do in the morning and then moving as much as I could to the night before. This included picking out my clothes, picking out my child’s clothes, making sure my coffee mug was washed, pre-setting the coffee maker, getting my lunch ready, packing my child’s bag for school, showering, and picking up any items that I did not want chewed up by my loving, hyper, destructive dogs.The visual list also made it easy for me to communicate to my husband. When he asked what he could help with, there was a tangible list instead of an “I don’t know how you can help me.” Schedule Breaks!Make breaks a priority no matter what you are doing that day. In the last 30 minutes of my work day, I started writing out a to-do list for the next day. Attaching times to each item so that I would not overbook myself. Scheduling 15-minute breaks in the middle of that schedule, was a great way to break up my day. By creating my work to-do list and break schedule the night before, I did not wake up thinking about all the things I needed to get done. I knew that I had already prioritized the list the day before. Meditation. Faith. Relaxation. Settle your mind by focusing in on meditation, guided muscle relaxation, faith-based readings, journaling, deep breathing. It doesn’t take long to do a quick guided meditation or reading. Allow yourself to have 5-10 minutes to yourself and focus on quieting your mind. For me this included meditation on my favorite faith readings, verses, or listening to guided meditations. Sleep. Go to bed at the same time every night and get up at the same time every morning. Including weekends. I didn’t think that as an adult I needed to have a “bedtime.” However, the routine of going to bed and waking up at the same time each day has provided much needed structure and habit to the weeks. Set a timer at night if you need to remind yourself it’s time to go to sleep. If falling asleep or staying asleep is difficult, seek help from a mental health provider or physician. Practice Positive ThinkingNegative thinking is a habit that needs to be broken. This can be changed by re-training our minds to positive thinking. Recognizing the negative thoughts for what they are and changing them to something positive is hard in the moment. Having encouragements and positives reminders hanging where you can read them in the mornings can be a subtle reminder. Instead of opening a social media app on the phone right away in the morning, I reach for a daily verse app for some positive support. If your anxiety becomes debilitation and interfering with your family life, your work, or other activities I would encourage you to seek help from a mental health professional or spiritual advisor. Talk to someone about your specific needs. Every person is different. Allow yourself to explore what works for you. Give yourself permission to be human, feel the low moments and be grateful for the small things. We are not alone in our morning struggles and we can take the control back. Author: Crystal

Monday Morning Blues

Anxiety, Work Struggles, You are not alone /

Crystal / September 17, 2018

Monday Mornings. Enough said? Staring at my computer screen this morning, I wonder why I seem to hate my job on Mondays. There’s this sense of dread that comes the second I wake up. I like my job. Right? Waiting for my computer screen to turn on, I try to remember why I get up so early in the morning to tackle the long never-ending to-do lists. What’s the point? My mind becomes overwhelmed by the amount of emails, phone calls, voicemail messages, and stack of over-due tasks that are waiting for me. As I continue to watch the welcome screen-saver spin, my mind begins to plot ways to decrease my work hours. Should I call in to work today? Or is a career change needed? Should I work part-time? Maybe I am not enough. Searching for a pen to take notes on the voicemails received over the weekend, my eyes land on a gift from a friend. A small wooden sign that reads: Today I will be strong, brave, kind, and unstoppable. Today I will be fierce. A subtle reminder that I chose how I approach this day. Not my to-do list, not my voicemails, not even my mood. Quickly I use my pen to jot down the reasons that I chose to come to work this morning. I find renewed purpose in the big picture. Renewed power and control. I take a moment to be grateful for all the blessings that come from my job, before tackling today’s work. I am enough. I might not be perfect. I might have overwhelming moments or days. And I will have days of unproductivity. But I am enough. What are you showing up for today? It is a job? Stay at home parenting? A medical appointment? An interview? Home tasks? Are you at home feeling alone? Or overwhelmed by others this morning? You get to decide how you choose to tackle the day. You get to decide that you are enough today. Your worth is not measured by your abilities or productivity. Look for the hope that comes from within on this Monday morning. Make a list of what motivates you. And be at peace with tasks that go un-done today. Author: Crystal