Parenting | Hope in a Hopeless World

Constantly Moving

Crystal / September 3, 2021

“Your son is a disruption to the class. He is constantly moving and making noises.” The kindergarten teacher sounded exhausted. Even through the video call, I could tell that she was frustrated. The words were not at all a surprise. I continued to listen to the kindergarten teacher go on about our six year old’s inability to follow rules, listen to direction, and be respectful of others. My heart ached for my son. I know underneath the hyper, constant moving body, is a sweet, caring, and empathetic boy. It wasn’t the first time we have heard this reaction. Previous daycare teachers shared similar reports. In fact we at home have experienced the same situations. Constant moving, running in circles, inability to sit for longer than one minute, easily distracted. I tried to be proactive and shared this information at the start of the school year with his Kindergarten teacher. Over the years I had also mentioned concerns to his pediatrician. I had spent countless hours reading articles and books and doing google searches on my son’s behavior and how to help him. The interventions and suggestions just didn’t seem to make a difference. Everyone seemed quick to point out that my son was loud and distracting, but no one had any suggestions on how to help him. He was seen as an inconvenience. Later that same day, I pulled up to the elementary school and waited in the line of cars to pick up my son. I spotted him slowly walking toward the car, shoulders hunched over. He looked defeated. I smiled and waved to him and he did a quick lift of his hand to wave back but he didn’t smile. I watch in the rear view mirror as he climbs into the car, buckles up, and then the tears start rolling down his face. I am not surprised, this has been common lately. “Hey bud, it looks like you had another tough day,” I say softly. “Yeah. No one at school likes me. They all think I am stupid.” My heart ached as, I pulled the car over to a nearby parking lot. I held my child’s hand, and did my best to comfort him. Something had to change. We could not keep sending our 6 year old to school for him to come home feeling like he is a burden and unworthy. After several conversations with his teacher, family, other parents, and his pediatrician, it was determined that he met criteria for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) diagnosis. While the diagnoses made sense, the controversy that comes with this label had my mind spinning. Thoughts about over-diagnosis, medication side effects, treatment options, experiences and opinions of others, all had me wondering what to do next. My husband and I discussed all the options and spoke with our family, friends, and pediatrician. We carefully considered the pros and cons. Ultimately, we decided to try medication in combination with therapy. We noticed the immediate impact with his treatment. We saw improvement in his grades, his interest in the things around him, his relationship with others including his younger brother, and his appetite. He could focus on reading, writing, eating, holding a conversation, and playing games. He was actually enjoying things around him, instead of running in circles and moving from one distraction to the next. It was a great reminder that while there may be stigma, over-diagnosis, and other dialogues occurring, that should not stop us from advocating for and trying things that our bodies need. ADHD medication for our child turned out to be life changing for him. Even he, at his young age, notices the difference in his body. He comments on feeling calm and in control. Sometimes what is right for others is not what is right for you. Don’t let fear stop you from making the right choice for you and your family. Author: Crystal

Look who’s up!

Communication, Parenting, You are not alone /

Crystal / November 3, 2019

I climbed up the steep stairs of my grandparents lake house. I wondered if anyone is awake yet, in this dark quiet house. As my small child size legs reached the top of the stairs, I could smell the fresh brewed coffee and the familiar sounds of the news playing on the TV in the background. “Well look who’s up!” I can still see the big grin on my papa’s smiling face, as he turned toward me. That simple statement and excitement still makes my heart feel warm and my spirit feel welcomed. Today, I am sitting in my dark living room, reflecting back on this short by rich memory. I would be embarrassed to admit that I am dreading the moment my children wake up. I love my children dearly, it’s just that I am so physically and mentally exhausted. Taking care of my own needs is hard enough on days like these. I think of the way that the welcoming words of my papa in those early mornings uplifted my spirit and still do even after he has passed on. A gentle reminder that the words and attitude that I use toward my children can have lasting impacts. My mind and body may be tired, but a simple smile and friendly morning greeting seems doable. Taking a deep breath in, I enjoy the last few minutes of silence. Hearing the rustling of blankets being thrown off and little feet scurrying down the hallway, I look toward the noise to see my 5 year old rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “You are awake! Good morning buddy.” I say with a smile. His immediate grin is followed by rushing over for snuggles on the couch. Not every morning starts like this. Sometimes I forget that my words have great meaning to my kids. When I stop to pay attention, it amazes me how much my actions and words influence my small family. What have you noticed in the world around you? How have your actions and words influenced others? The simple words of my papa in days long ago still play in my mind. What words of yours will play in the minds of others? Choose kindness. Choose to uplift even if all you can do that day is lend a smile. It’s the small everyday actions that go a long way. Author: Crystal

My Motherhood Truth

Parenting, You are not alone /

Natalie Brandt / October 9, 2019

Today I felt like I was not enough. Not enough patience. Not enough kindness. Not enough of me to meet the needs of others. Today I yelled. Today I cried. Today I wanted to just close my eyes. I didn’t want to find the positivity. I couldn’t sort through my exhaustion and frustration to pivot. I was just in it. In the yuck. One of those days when I felt like everything was going to bubble up and over at the most inopportune moment… right in the middle of a quiet library, of course. A pile of books to check out, soaking wet from the rain, fumbling through my receipts shoved into a disorganized wallet for the library card that is admittedly used too infrequently. And, of course, a child who was whining at a high volume due to a sudden development of a strong distaste for my lack of backpack water bottle selection and couldn’t wait a second longer for me to unearth a new option. This was coupled with a second child who was trying to wrestle her in his efforts to remind her to be quiet in the library. I don’t care which badges of honor you wear… a mom of one, mom of ten, working mom, stay at home mom, master of the family domain, new mom, seasoned mom, deliriously exhausted mom to a newborn, master referee and professional negotiator to toddlers, professional chauffeur to busy teens, or first time empty nest mom who is lying awake at night longing for her home to be filled with noise and chaos again. We are all mothers. We all have both the hardest job and most beautiful job available to human kind. I know these are the years to cherish. I know they will go quickly. It’s not lost on me how blessed I am. And I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I love my children with all of my heart. But sometimes in a world of social media highlights and relentless positivity, we have to be okay experiencing the yuck and be okay with not being okay. And be willing to say that out loud. I say this to all the mamas who may just need to know you’re not alone. Behind the smiles, behind the social media highlights, behind it all, we all have our moments of doubt, frustration, too muchery (this is what happens when I am only one cup of coffee in… I make up words). This is when we need to remember to give one another grace, gift each other with a smile, and forgive ourselves for today is a new day. Mamas, I see you. I hear you. I know you have your days too. And on those days, know you are not alone. Thank God for new days. Author: Natalie Brandt

Worst Day

Parenting, You are not alone /

Elizabeth / July 22, 2019

Not long before celebrating his eighth birthday a few weeks ago, my son asked me, “Mom, have you had a worst day of your life?” We were out kayaking on an overcast, yet calm afternoon and the question really caught me off guard. While I could think of several days that I would consider my worst, some incredibly recent and others not so much, there wasn’t really anything that was appropriate to share with his sweet innocent heart. I paused to choose my words carefully and briefly answered, “Oh I’ve had some pretty bad days honey, but nothing that God hasn’t been able to make better.” As vague as the answer was, it was the truth…at least eventually. Now, if one of my good friends had asked me this same question, I would have responded much differently. I would have explained the great pain and heartache that I experienced within weeks of the birth of my son. The feelings of euphoria and superwoman power and energy during and shortly after my pregnancy, and then the debilitating crash in the aftermath. I would have confided about the recollections of my psychiatric hospitalization and the long road of recovery that followed. While these are not the sort of memories I enjoy reminiscing about, I choose to share my story with others. Especially if I think it can help the person on the receiving end somehow. I truly believe there is power in my story. In every person’s story. At a recent service, our pastor spoke about how God takes our broken lives and pieces them back together in a beautiful way. Just like the Japanese art of a broken vase fused back together with gold, the final product is more valuable than ever before. If there is something broken in your life right now, there is hope. Some day, some how, it can be restored and made beautiful again. And there is nothing He can’t work with. It may not look exactly as you had planned or imagined, but that doesn’t make the end result any less wonderful. Later in the day, as I proudly watched my growing son insist on carrying all the grocery bags in from the car, I reflected on how much has changed over the past 8 years. As much as we might not be able to see it in the moment, the worst days (or weeks, months, or even years) of our lives can be preparing and equipping us for something so much greater than we could ever imagine. Stay hopeful friends. And don’t forget to reach out, and look up, during those worst days. We weren’t meant to do any of this alone. Author: Elizabeth

Power of Love

Love. Joy. Kindness, Parenting /

Crystal / August 24, 2018

It was one of those mornings. You know, the one where you wake up immediately cranky and feel like the whole universe is conspiring against you. It started as usual with our German Shepherd, Bailey, whining in my face impatiently asking to go outside. Which quickly led to our Pit Bull, Maggie, pouncing at my head joining efforts to get me out of bed. Grumbly all the way to the door, I hear “MOM! I can’t find my car!” Chase, our 3-year-old, frantically woke up. Opening the door to the backyard, the dogs race outside. My eyes were still sleepy, trying to take in the chaos of the morning. Chase is having a full on melt down by the time I get to his room. “My Car! It’s gone!” He wailed. “Hey bud, Your car is right here. It just fell on the floor.” “My car, my car, my car.” He remained inconsolable. “Chase,” holding the car up for him to see. “It’s right here.” “Oh.” He takes a deep breath in as the tears continued down his face. We stumbled through the morning with similar events. After struggling to get Chase dressed, shoes on, and buckled into the car seat. We are finally on our way to Chase’s pre-school. “Mom, mom, mama, mom, mom.” “Yes Chase?” “Mama. Mama. Mama.” “Yes Chase? What do you need?” “I want my car!” Chase whines. “Can you tell me why you don’t have your car right now?” “No. I was listening! I want my car. I want my car.” “CHASE JUST STOP!” I harshly yelled in a desperate attempt to stop the screaming. The screaming continued, as regret over my harsh tone, sinks in. “Fine. Here take it.” I place the car in the cup holder of his car seat. Before I know it, the red Lightening McQueen car comes straight past my head and hits the window with a loud thud. Taking a deep breath in, I remained quiet listening to the screams of my 3-year-old. How did this so quickly get out of hand? Pulling into the pre-school parking lot, I found a parking spot, and put the car in park. Turning my head, I take in the sight. Chase looked at me through tear-filled eyes. “I love you, Chase.” Instantly his screams stopped. His eyes got wide. “Oh.” He took in a few short breaths, gasping for air, trying to catch his breath. After several seconds, his little voice quietly cut through the now silent car. “I love you too mom.” “If you can tell me why you don’t have your car right now, I will happily give it back to you.” “Mom, I am so sorry I hit you and threw my car and didn’t listen.” Handing the car back to my son, I am quickly reminded how powerful love can be. My frustrations that morning led to my decision to take away toys, yell, and attempt to force my three-year-old to move along at my pace. All of which were met with resistance. When I was able to move my emotions from anger to love, that was the break through moment. That was the moment that I was able to get my three-year-old on board with me, moving in the same direction. What areas in your life could use a break through moment? Is it possible that love and kindness will begin to break ground in that impossible battle? We can’t control how others react to our kindness, but we can control our thoughts. Showing love and kindness even when undeserved will begin habits for healthy thinking. Letting go of the frustrations, the past mistakes, the resentment and choosing love is a great step in shifting your mindset. Shifting your habits to promote good mental health. Author: Crystal