The moment I read the words on screen, my heart started pounding, my muscles began to tense, and my mind began to race. This simple text message was intentionally designed to inflict pain onto our family. I began to question myself. What it is it about me that causes hatred from this person? What could I do differently? Why can’t we make this work? As an avid people pleaser and peacekeeper, I have a constant desire to maintain harmony among those around me. Sometimes in the process of pleasing others, I become lost in a cycle of anxious thoughts. There is a fine line between pleasing others and taking care of your own needs. As much as I would like to think that I can always be well liked and make everyone happy, the reality is that there will be people that are hard to get along with and sometimes people won’t like us no matter how much we try. When this happens, what can we do to stop the cycle of anxious thoughts? For me, mindfulness practices can be particularly helpful. I recently came across a writer who suggested using the acronym “OPEN” to process these anxious people pleasing thoughts. Kimberly Diaz-Rosso suggests the following: O = Observe Notice the feelings in your mind and body. First name the reactions that your body is experiencing, such as increased breathing or feeling a pit in of your stomach. Then notice your thinking and name those feelings – worry, fear, etc. Journaling these observations can also be helpful. P = Peace Use comforting words to bring peace to your mind and body. Examples: “I am deeply hurt and its ok to feel the way I do.” “What other people say and do is about them, not me.” You may even consider writing your chosen phrases down where you will see them as a reminder. E = Enjoy Take a deep breath and be still in the calmness of mind and body. N = Nature Say: “The moment has passed and now I am at peace. This is my true nature.” If you practice another faith, I encourage you to incorporate those teachings into this “OPEN” framework. It may provide more peace and meaning for you. You are not alone in the cycle of anxious thoughts. Take moment to acknowledge these thoughts, process, and release. We would love to hear what has worked for you! Be kind to yourself today. Author: Crystal You can read Kimberly Diaz-Rosso full article here.

Chest pain, shortness of breath, upset stomach, on the verge of tears. I forgot how terrible this feeling is. I remember feeling paralyzed by these feelings in the past. Paralyzed by the silent, fierce attacker that gives no warning. Tonight it is keeping me awake. I fall asleep for a few minutes only to be jolted awake by the sound of a car alarm. I move around our bed unsure at first of where I was and if it was a dream or reality. Thankfully the beeping stops, but then my husband quickly enters our large master bedroom to peek out the front window that overlooks our driveway. My heart is beating fast now, almost as fast as my thoughts. We exchange a short conversation about what just happened. He seems concerned that the alarm went off, saying, “It doesn’t just do that for no reason.” I ask if there are dogs barking. He doesn’t know, but I’m sure I heard the neighbor’s dogs barking at the sound of the alarm. As if I need another worry to keep me up at night. A massive flood of emotions and thoughts come rushing through my body and my head at full force and I am sure it will be a sleepless night. Fast forward a few months and my attacker has followed me again. While enjoying a beautiful evening of music this summer, my husband and I decide to venture into the standing only section to get a closer view of one of our favorite bands, For King & Country. They are the headliner of the music festival, the last band of the weekend, and you can feel the anticipation in the air. We stand together as the sun begins to set and the air cools. At the same time I can feel the crowd growing thicker and thicker, closer and closer. All of a sudden the air feels heavy, my heart rate quickens, my palms get sweaty, and the sounds and smells of the strangers around me become increasingly louder and overwhelming. Even though I’m aware that there is no real threat of danger, thoughts of unlikely situations start racing through my mind. I close my eyes and start taking deep breaths to help calm myself down. Sensing my restlessness, my husband asks if I’m okay and takes hold of my hand to comfort me. I would feel horrible leaving after waiting for so long, but all I want to do is run out of there. Finally, the white curtain is lit, shadows of large drums appear, and the band’s signature entrance begins. My attacker is distracted for the moment, but still looms in the background ready to rear its ugly head at any moment. Recently, as I went through some boxes of paperwork in preparation for our upcoming move, I came across some old medical records. There it was, typed in simple words, no different than my height and weight listed the same page: Anxiety Disorder. My first ever mental health diagnosis. Anxiety is the name of this attacker, and sometimes, like some kind of metaphysical werewolf, it morphs into a full blown panic attack. Its abrupt interruption and lingering presence can be life altering. It is a silent, but strong force that affects the lives of many people I know and love. This attacker is not discriminatory. It can impact the young and the old, men and women, single or married, career-driven or stay-at-home parents. It isn’t convenient or welcome, but it will show up anyway, regardless of the place or time, and stop us dead in our tracks. The overwhelming weight of anxiety can be debilitating, and many times even those closest to us do not know or understand what is happening within us. It is important for us to try to explain what we’re feeling because as with any disease, you don’t know what it’s really like until you’ve experienced it yourself. There are many people who haven’t had the pleasure (ha!) of first-hand experience with a mental illness, but they truly do care and want to try to understand. There will be people who will say hurtful things. They might dismiss and undermine our feelings saying things like, “You worry too much” or “You’re just stressed out” or “You just need to relax.” As hard as it might be, let’s give them grace. Perhaps they want to help, but don’t know what to do or what to say. Accept that no one is perfect and even if they don’t completely understand, that doesn’t mean that they don’t love and care about you. Let’s be transparent and open up the dialogue. This does not show weakness, it shows strength. It can be truly refreshing and healing. This is a place of acceptance, support and love. We would love to hear your story. In the comments below, share how anxiety or another mental illness has affected your life, and some ways that you have been able to overcome.