Crystal | Hope in a Hopeless World

2023 Refresh & Renew: A Spring Wellness Day

Events /

Crystal / May 22, 2023

Our 2023 Refresh & Renew, A Spring Wellness Day was a success! The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and it was the perfect 70 degree day. Mindfulness We started the day by practicing the difficult skill of mindfulness. Mindfulness is about awareness and acceptance of the present moment. Noticing the things around you and happening within you. It can include noticing physical sensations, thoughts, and feelings. Along with noticing, comes the acceptance or non-judgement of these items. For example, if I am feeling anxious. I might say to myself (or aloud) “I am noticing that I feel anxious right now.” I am not viewing this as good or bad and I am not trying to change it. Mindfulness is a practice that gets easier over time the more we use it in everyday activities. We had the opportunity to intentionally practice mindfulness while putting our own flower arrangements together with flowers from Old Silo Flower Farm. Tips for practicing mindfulness: Use your 5 senses to notice what you see, hear, smell, feel, and taste. Describe in detail your observations either to yourself, to someone else around you, or by writing it down. Guided Journaling Sometimes our own conscious or unconscious thoughts are getting in the way of true rest and renewal preventing us from moving forward. Participants were guided through journal prompts and invited to create a Self-Compassion Intention. The single word or phrase was painted on a rock as a solid reminder to take back to everyday life. Breathing Techniques At times we can unintentionally practice anxiety breathing when we breathe shallowly into our chest. At our wellness day we had breath taking views, but we still took the opportunities to breathe deep from our stomachs and practiced breathing techniques that help to calm the mind and body. Nature Meditation Amber with Sweet Spirit Yoga + Retreats shared one of her many gifts with us by guiding us through a nature experience that allowed us all to slow down and appreciate our surroundings. The benefits of nature are many and the dedicated time spent in nature without electronics, expectations, or responsibilities was refreshing. Sound Bath Sound baths have many benefits including reducing anxiety, lowering heart rate and blood pressure, boosting the immune system, lessening stress, and more. Jennie Ruth shared her gift of sounds with us in this beautiful outdoor setting. It was a wonderful way to close the day. THANK YOU to everyone that attended, donated, & contributed their time and talents! We are so grateful for you all!

Constantly Moving

ADHD/ADD, Parenting /

Crystal / September 3, 2021

“Your son is a disruption to the class. He is constantly moving and making noises.” The kindergarten teacher sounded exhausted. Even through the video call, I could tell that she was frustrated. The words were not at all a surprise. I continued to listen to the kindergarten teacher go on about our six year old’s inability to follow rules, listen to direction, and be respectful of others. My heart ached for my son. I know underneath the hyper, constant moving body, is a sweet, caring, and empathetic boy. It wasn’t the first time we have heard this reaction. Previous daycare teachers shared similar reports. In fact we at home have experienced the same situations. Constant moving, running in circles, inability to sit for longer than one minute, easily distracted. I tried to be proactive and shared this information at the start of the school year with his Kindergarten teacher. Over the years I had also mentioned concerns to his pediatrician. I had spent countless hours reading articles and books and doing google searches on my son’s behavior and how to help him. The interventions and suggestions just didn’t seem to make a difference. Everyone seemed quick to point out that my son was loud and distracting, but no one had any suggestions on how to help him. He was seen as an inconvenience. Later that same day, I pulled up to the elementary school and waited in the line of cars to pick up my son. I spotted him slowly walking toward the car, shoulders hunched over. He looked defeated. I smiled and waved to him and he did a quick lift of his hand to wave back but he didn’t smile. I watch in the rear view mirror as he climbs into the car, buckles up, and then the tears start rolling down his face. I am not surprised, this has been common lately. “Hey bud, it looks like you had another tough day,” I say softly. “Yeah. No one at school likes me. They all think I am stupid.” My heart ached as, I pulled the car over to a nearby parking lot. I held my child’s hand, and did my best to comfort him. Something had to change. We could not keep sending our 6 year old to school for him to come home feeling like he is a burden and unworthy. After several conversations with his teacher, family, other parents, and his pediatrician, it was determined that he met criteria for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) diagnosis. While the diagnoses made sense, the controversy that comes with this label had my mind spinning. Thoughts about over-diagnosis, medication side effects, treatment options, experiences and opinions of others, all had me wondering what to do next. My husband and I discussed all the options and spoke with our family, friends, and pediatrician. We carefully considered the pros and cons. Ultimately, we decided to try medication in combination with therapy. We noticed the immediate impact with his treatment. We saw improvement in his grades, his interest in the things around him, his relationship with others including his younger brother, and his appetite. He could focus on reading, writing, eating, holding a conversation, and playing games. He was actually enjoying things around him, instead of running in circles and moving from one distraction to the next. It was a great reminder that while there may be stigma, over-diagnosis, and other dialogues occurring, that should not stop us from advocating for and trying things that our bodies need. ADHD medication for our child turned out to be life changing for him. Even he, at his young age, notices the difference in his body. He comments on feeling calm and in control. Sometimes what is right for others is not what is right for you. Don’t let fear stop you from making the right choice for you and your family. Author: Crystal

Insight and Awareness

Anosognosia, Anxiety /

Crystal / April 12, 2021

The first hot day of the year was a few days ago. I stepped outside with my two boys and felt the warm sun on my face. It was lovely. As we continued to play outside, that pleasant feeling was eventually replaced with tightness in my chest, difficulty breathing, sweating, and sluggishness. Heat has always been hard for me. Without warning these physical symptoms that the warm weather brought, were joined by unwanted memories, worry, and fear. As I took a seat on the ground, I recognized this feeling as an anxiety attack. I continued to gaze over at my kids embracing this warm day and I used the skills that I have learned and developed over the years. I began taking some deep grounding breaths, noticing the sturdy ground beneath me, and reminding myself that I am safe and secure. The feelings of fear and anxiety pass quickly this time and I reflect on the physical changes that just occurred in my body. As I continue to learn about my own mental illness, I am realizing the importance of insight and education. Learning more about the how and why can have a significant impact on recovery and coping. Summer and hot weather can trigger those anxiety symptoms and build into an anxiety attack. Without insight, that feeling of impending danger may stick around longer. A new term for us at Hope in a Hopeless World is “Anosognosia” meaning experience of “‘lack of insight’ or ‘lack of awareness,’” (NAMI, 2021). We may all experience this symptom from time to time and the severity may vary depending on the person or illness. Taking some time to learn about our body, our reactions, and our illnesses, can be an important part of effective management. Consider these reflective questions: Where do I feel discomfort in my body? What is my body telling me? What are my next steps? For me, journaling, prayer, self-reflection, breathing exercises, yoga, medication, and therapy have been helpful in my journey. You are not alone in this! There is hope <3 Author: Crystal

Grief

Grief, Pain & Purpose /

Crystal / December 27, 2020

I will never forget the day of my grandma’s funeral. Hours before guests began to arrive, my family gathered in the small-town church that my grandparents attended. I stood near the front of the church with my cousins as my grandpa approached the small box of ashes that now represented the significant loss in our family. He placed both hands the box and his entire body gave into the heartbreak he was feeling. His body shook and loud sobs escaped from deep within. Even now, ten years later, I cannot stop the tears from falling as I reflect on this moment. I think my family would agree with me, that two years after my grandma passed away, my grandpa would die of broken heart. Grief and loss have powerful impacts on our mind and body. Often, I think there is shame associated with the emotions that surface during a time of grieving. Somehow, in today’s culture, we convince ourselves that we are weak if we grieve past the unspecified and unspoken time frame. Like there should be a cutoff date for when the pain and emotions should leave our body. While it might benice if there was such thing as a date. A date for when grief stops. However, this is not how loss works. It is normal and ok to have waves of grief over significant loss in our lives. If wish I could take away the pain you may be feeling, but instead I offer you these three important reminders. Feeling your emotions is good. Repeat this to yourself over and over when that shame creeps in. Write it on your mirror, in your journal, or somewhere you will see it. Feeling your emotions is good. Overwhelming sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration, heartbreak, etc. will surface and these feelings have to go somewhere. Let those emotions out. Feeling your emotions is good. Sharing memories is therapeutic. Those everyday memories of the person you lost can be painful reminders at times. Find someone to talk to and share those memories. You might say something like: “It helps me when talk about ____ (name of person), can I share a memory that has been on my mind?” People generally want to help and this is an easy thing for someone to do. It will allow the other person to feel like they are helping and will allow you that connection you need. If you don’t have a person that you feel comfortable talking to, send your memory in an email to us at Hope in a Hopeless World! We would love to hear your memories of that loved one. New traditions can be helpful. Finding ways to incorporate that person into your everyday life or celebrations is a healthy way to honor them and allow you to feel connected to them. Each time I use my grandpa’s coca cola coffee mug, I whisper a quiet statement of gratitude for the person he was and the impact he has on my life. Grief and loss are one of the hardest parts about life. It can be debilitating, confusing, and unfair. I see you and I feel your pain. It is ok to grieve. You are not weak for feeling those emotions. Feeling your emotions is good. Author: Crystal

People Pleasing

Anxiety /

Crystal / August 10, 2020

The moment I read the words on screen, my heart started pounding, my muscles began to tense, and my mind began to race. This simple text message was intentionally designed to inflict pain onto our family. I began to question myself. What it is it about me that causes hatred from this person? What could I do differently? Why can’t we make this work? As an avid people pleaser and peacekeeper, I have a constant desire to maintain harmony among those around me. Sometimes in the process of pleasing others, I become lost in a cycle of anxious thoughts. There is a fine line between pleasing others and taking care of your own needs. As much as I would like to think that I can always be well liked and make everyone happy, the reality is that there will be people that are hard to get along with and sometimes people won’t like us no matter how much we try. When this happens, what can we do to stop the cycle of anxious thoughts? For me, mindfulness practices can be particularly helpful. I recently came across a writer who suggested using the acronym “OPEN” to process these anxious people pleasing thoughts. Kimberly Diaz-Rosso suggests the following: O = Observe Notice the feelings in your mind and body. First name the reactions that your body is experiencing, such as increased breathing or feeling a pit in of your stomach. Then notice your thinking and name those feelings – worry, fear, etc. Journaling these observations can also be helpful. P = Peace Use comforting words to bring peace to your mind and body. Examples: “I am deeply hurt and its ok to feel the way I do.” “What other people say and do is about them, not me.” You may even consider writing your chosen phrases down where you will see them as a reminder. E = Enjoy Take a deep breath and be still in the calmness of mind and body. N = Nature Say: “The moment has passed and now I am at peace. This is my true nature.” If you practice another faith, I encourage you to incorporate those teachings into this “OPEN” framework. It may provide more peace and meaning for you. You are not alone in the cycle of anxious thoughts. Take moment to acknowledge these thoughts, process, and release. We would love to hear what has worked for you! Be kind to yourself today. Author: Crystal You can read Kimberly Diaz-Rosso full article here.

Self Forgiveness

Forgiveness /

Crystal / June 2, 2020

The warmer whether is here and it’s what we look forward to all winter. Yet for me the change in temperature comes with a drastic change in energy level. I can feel the heaviness in my legs, arms, feet, and eyes. Lifting one foot in front of the other feels impossible at times. The heaviness consumes my mind if am not careful. It is easy to feel the helplessness creep in. We are quick to offer grace and forgiveness to friends or others when they have “less productive” days or challenging times and yet we don’t offer ourselves the same courtesy. Let’s change that! Here are a few tips toward self forgiveness: 1. Acknowledge. What areas in your life do you need to offer yourself forgiveness? And what areas do you need to offer acceptance? There is a difference between these two. For example, I should not feel guilt over the low energy that comes with summer. This is out of my control and accepting this part of me helps to let go of some of the pressure. And I should forgive myself for the negative self-talk that might come with it. The way I talk to myself and treat my body is within my control. When I choose to speak poorly about myself, this is not healthy or helpful. 2.Forgive. Once you have identified those ineffective and harmful actions you are making to your body. Spend some time thinking about what is helpful and what is harmful then offer forgiveness to yourself for those harmful things. 3. Change. Make realistic changes to your thoughts and actions. Give yourself permission to start small. For me, I may not have energy to do all the things that I can in the cooler months but I can be kind to myself and develop a more realistic plan. It might mean that I don’t get all the active work-outs or projects done, but I can choose to continue to eat foods that make my body feel good. In what areas will you offer yourself forgiveness this week? How might you use these steps to process? Let’s be kind to our minds and bodies and allow ourselves space to make mistakes, to process those mistakes, and to make plans to do better.

Crystal’s Journey

MH Awareness, You are not alone /

Crystal / May 5, 2020

#YouAreNotAlone #MentalHealthAwarenessMonth How has mental illness impacted your life? This question for me is a difficult one to answer. Mostly because mental illness has been so subtly dangerous throughout my life. It is hard for me to decipher the irregular thoughts and moods from the normal human emotions. I tend to cycle through anxiety, depression, and a healthy mind. From the outside, I may look the same on a good day, anxious day, or depressed day. Anxiety impacts my life through hypervigilance, the constant awareness of threats or danger. With this comes other common symptoms of anxiety such as difficulty breathing, racing thoughts, unwanted thoughts, and irritability. Depression for me often results in low motivation, lack of interest in anyone or anything, social isolation, and overwhelming hopelessness. Anxiety and depression have been at the base of my mind and left unmanaged have resulted in escalated complications with my health. I have experienced eating disorders, compassion fatigue, post-traumatic stress disorder, and physical symptoms leading to ER and hospital visits. The thoughts of “others have it worse off than me” and “my issues are so minor compared to the issues others have” led to dismissive behavior. I often ignored the warning signs and denied my mind and body of the healing and treatment it was so desperately craving. What does mental health look like for you? Mental health for me is not the absence of symptoms, rather it is in my ability to manage these symptoms. Just like physical health must be maintained, so does mental health. The things that keep my mind in a healthy place depend on the season of life and the symptoms I am experiencing. Journaling, prayer, therapy, meditation, yoga, walks, scheduling quiet times, and communicating to the people around me what I need, all contribute to a health mind for me. On days that I feel anxiety or depression symptoms heighten, it helps me to make a list for the day. The list might be a to-do list for the day or a reminder of what helps me cope with depression or anxiety. If depression or anxiety is heavy that day, my list might be quite simple such as get dressed, wash my face, brush my teeth, and step outside. Some days are good, and some days are hard. The kindest thing I can do for myself is offer my mind and body grace on the hard days.

Don’t Offer Platitudes

Support for Family and Friends /

Crystal / March 10, 2020

In the fall of 2017, my world had been turned upside down. Depression, marital separation, and hopelessness made surviving each day seem impossible. I vividly remember standing in my kitchen wondering if my legs could continue to hold me up. As I leaned my back against the counter, my head was spinning from unwanted thoughts. I lowered myself to the ground and buried my head into my arms. My mom, who was visiting that evening, walked over and sat down next to me. I don’t remember the words she said, it was her presence and willingness to sit in the uncomfortable pain of the moment that stands out. The willingness to help carry the heartache. I’m not sure now long we sat there, but when I did stand up, my eyes were drawn to a card from a close friend. Amongst other words of encouragement it said “Don’t be afraid to feel the feels.” We as a society tend to be afraid to feel the hard stuff. It’s often easier to offer platitudes rather than holding space for the person to process. Platitudes are oversimplified phrases that are used to calm our minds or provide reassurance especially during difficult times. We may find ourselves saying things like: “Good things come to those who wait.” or “Time heals all wounds” or “Everything happens for a reason” or “Everything always works out in the end.” While some platitudes may hold truth, they don’t allow the mind to process the necessary emotions. These simple phrases may also minimize someone’s pain, causing them to feel unheard or dismissed. Instead of common platitudes hold space, be comfortable with silence, offer grace for the hard days, and most importantly don’t be afraid of hard emotions. They are a gift that allow healing. Author: Crystal

Savor the Moment

Love. Joy. Kindness /

Crystal / November 25, 2019

Slowly I open the door to the bedroom that our two sweet boys share. I tiptoe quietly across the room past the empty bed of our 5 year old, who has already been up for hours on this dark fall morning. Peering into the crib on the far side of the room, I see our one year old sound asleep. I rub his back before I gently lift him out of the crib. He has no interest in waking up and without openning his eyes he snuggles into me. His gentle breathing combines with the soft music on the radio playing in the room. These are the moments I want to remember. Our lives may be full of chaos and uncertainty much of the time, but taking a few minutes to pause in the sweet moments of life can remind us just how much we have to be thankful for. I close my eyes, take deep breath in, and memorize this moment. Intentionally noticing the feelings and sensations around me. Often my day is consumed with worry, rushed schedules, and stressors. The practice of gratitude can be a challenging at times. Truly taking in the things that bring joy, helps to calm my day. What moments do you want to pause and savor today? Even on days when it’s hard to be thankful, take a moment to pause on something good and stay there for a while. Author: Crystal

Protecting those that Protect Us

PTSD, Self Worth, Support for Family and Friends /

Crystal / November 11, 2019

This past week I heard the devastating news that two Minnesota police officers died by suicide. My heart breaks for what these men experienced in the days, months, and years leading up to their final moments. The tears quietly fall from my eyes as I think about the family they left behind. As I let the tears fall, I reflect back to a time, in the not so distant past, where I wondered if today would be the day that I would get that call. Several times I had wondered, “Would today be the day that someone shows up at my house to tell me that my husband died by suicide?” Fortunately for me, that moment never came. Later I would find out that my fears were too close to becoming reality. My husband spent 12 years serving in the Minnesota Army National Guard. It is here that he would make life long friends and find purpose in serving his country. It is also where he would witness horrific and tragic events that no human should ever have to see. Coming home he would suffer in silence as he relived the tragedies. During the day simple conversations or things in his environment would trigger memories. At night it was the nightmares that felt too real. Suicide is not selfish. Living in the constant place of trauma is unbearable and affects every moment of life. My husband would later tell me that he firmly believed that his family would be better off without him as a burden to daily life. He believed that because of the things he experienced and did during his time overseas, that the world didn’t need him around. He saw suicide as a selfless act to spare others from the monster he believed himself to be. I’ll never forget the day my husband opened up about his experiences; calling himself worthless. This strong, brave protector couldn’t see the hero that I saw. The men and women that are called to protect us on U.S. ground or overseas come in different forms; military branches, police officers, and first responders. As a community indebted to these men and women, we need to rally together to protect those that are called to protect us. Take a first step in showing that support by learning more about what these men and women go through. Research things to say and not say when you have the opportunity to have a conversation with them. Show them the love and support they deserve. In honor of Veteran’s Day, take some time to learn how you, as a community member, can help those that protect you every day. Not sure where to start? See the articles linked below. 💜 Author: Crystal How to talk to and support a Vet: https://warontherocks.com/2017/11/how-to-talk-to-a-veteran/ https://www.brainline.org/article/caring-veteran-ptsd-what-do-you-need-know Caregiver Resources: http://www.caregiver.va.gov/ Impact Stories from Police and Veteran: https://theofficernextdoor.com/2018/07/26/its-not-normal/ https://hopeinahopelessworld.com/2018/08/12/survivors-guilt-guest-author-job-w/