I will never forget the day of my grandma’s funeral. Hours before guests began to arrive, my family gathered in the small-town church that my grandparents attended. I stood near the front of the church with my cousins as my grandpa approached the small box of ashes that now represented the significant loss in our family. He placed both hands the box and his entire body gave into the heartbreak he was feeling. His body shook and loud sobs escaped from deep within.

Even now, ten years later, I cannot stop the tears from falling as I reflect on this moment. I think my family would agree with me, that two years after my grandma passed away, my grandpa would die of broken heart. Grief and loss have powerful impacts on our mind and body. Often, I think there is shame associated with the emotions that surface during a time of grieving. Somehow, in today’s culture, we convince ourselves that we are weak if we grieve past the unspecified and unspoken time frame. Like there should be a cutoff date for when the pain and emotions should leave our body.  While it might be
nice if there was such thing as a date. A date for when grief stops. However, this is not how loss works.

It is normal and ok to have waves of grief over significant loss in our lives. If wish I could take away the pain you may be feeling, but instead I offer you these three important reminders.

Feeling your emotions is good.

Repeat this to yourself over and over when that shame creeps in. Write it on your mirror, in your journal, or somewhere you will see it. Feeling your emotions is good. Overwhelming sadness, loneliness, anger, frustration, heartbreak, etc. will surface and these feelings have to go somewhere. Let those emotions out. Feeling your emotions is good.

Sharing memories is therapeutic.

Those everyday memories of the person you lost can be painful reminders at times. Find someone to talk to and share those memories. You might say something like: “It helps me when talk about ____ (name of person), can I share a memory that has been on my mind?” People generally want to help and this is an easy thing for someone to do. It will allow the other person to feel like they are helping and will allow you that connection you need. If you don’t have a person that you feel comfortable talking to, send your memory in an email to us at Hope in a Hopeless World! We would love to hear your memories of that loved one.

New traditions can be helpful.

Finding ways to incorporate that person into your everyday life or celebrations is a healthy way to honor them and allow you to feel connected to them. Each time I use my grandpa’s coca cola coffee mug, I whisper a quiet statement of gratitude for the person he was and the impact he has on my life.

Grief and loss are one of the hardest parts about life. It can be debilitating, confusing, and unfair. I see you and I feel your pain. It is ok to grieve. You are not weak for feeling those emotions. Feeling your emotions is good.

Author: Crystal