My husband and I have shared our story many times. If you missed it you can read from his perspective here or mine here.

The conversations that naturally follow are filled with questions and wonder.

“How could you forgive something like that?”

“How do you know it wont happen again?”

“Isn’t that hard to live with?”

“How can you trust after that?”

“I couldn’t do that if I were you.”

The truth is: I didn’t think I could forgive something this big either. Every question that someone asks are the same questions I’ve asked myself.

Each person comes in with there own story, background, and hurts. What I have learned along the way is this: Forgiveness if for you. It isn’t necessarily about the other person. Forgiveness is a personal journey that you can choose to take. This journey can be about forgiving someone else or choosing to forgive yourself. It’s important to remember that we have control over how we respond in painful situations.

The hard truth is that you will be let down by someone at some point along the way. Not one person is perfect. Your best friend, your parents, teachers, siblings, or significant other will do something that causes you pain. No matter how big or small that event is you don’t have control over their actions.

You do have control over how you respond.

What will you choose?

Will it be revenge and anger? Avoidance and withdrawal? Or maybe you could respond with mercy and forgiveness?

However you choose, that response is yours. You own it. You have more control than you know.

Revenge

Revenge is the act of inflicting harm on someone else to get even. Payback is a natural response when we are hurting. It might feel good in the moment thinking of ways to make the other person feel the pain that you have experienced. When impulse for revenge is acted on, more hurt is added to our world. It will likely leave you feeling more hurt then before. You have now just allowed the original offender to cause you to do something that you normally would not do to another person.

Avoidance

Ignoring or avoiding the problem, might delay healing. Hurtful events need to be processed and discussed. Protection needs to be put into place to avoid further pain. Avoiding the painful event or person may cause that hurt to fester and grow inside you. This lets the pain from someone else to become bigger and more painful.

Mercy

To show mercy and forgiveness?

Showing mercy is the act of compassion and forgiveness toward someone that is undeserving. It doesn’t mean that you let them out of their natural consequences or immediately trust again. It’s to maintain kindness and wish no harm to them.

This is freeing! This allows you to use your strength to overcome. You get to choose to let the pain and hurt stop with you. You get to control how much that pain filters your body. It allows you to stop searching for ways to “make it right” and choose to let go.

Choose forgiveness and add light into your world. You have the strength to stop letting the actions of others effect your joy.

Author: Crystal

You might also be interested in:

Forgiveness is Not…