Marriage Crisis
Marriage
Every marriage faces challenges at some point along the way. How those challenges are navigated will predict relationship survival. While there are certainly situations that require someone to leave their marriage, make choices about your marriage that are based in wisdom keeping your values and safety at the forefront.
What if separation and divorce wasn’t the answer to all marriage crises? What if you can heal and repair even from betrayal, addiction, or drift?
A marriage crisis doesn’t mean that your marriage has to be over, but you likely will not be able to tackle it alone.
My husband and I have been through our share of marriage struggles and most days we are grateful for our trials because it has moved us to where we are now. There is something about hitting rock bottom that makes you appreciate life and wellness. For those of you struggling through problems or working toward healing, you are not alone in that struggle.
What helped us when our marriage hit crisis level?
1. Allowing Time to Heal.
No matter what struggles have hit in your marriage. Allow yourself time to feel those emotions. Don’t feel guilty about being angry, betrayed, sad, or even irrational at times. Seek healthy ways to release those emotions. Things that I found helpful were journaling, talking to others that have been there, joining community support groups, prayer, uplifting music, and reading books or articles related to my struggles.
2. Owning Our Part.
Before we could think about working on repairing our marriage, we had to focus on individual wellbeing. Both my husband and I attended individual therapy to address our mental health concerns, mourn our losses, and work through the pain and betrayal. We attended individual therapy for 6 months before addressing any marriage concerns together. This will look different for each situation, but it is an important first step. It’s hard to work on something together if you haven’t first reflected on your own part and allowed yourself to feel all the emotions that come with it. It’s important to have time for self-reflection and healing.
3. Learning More.
It was helpful to read or talk to others that have experienced similar situations. There is something so comforting in knowing that you are not the only one to go through this. I was surprised to find a community of people that have had similar experiences. It was encouraging to see people that had hit the same rock bottom as me and made it through. Reading self-help articles and personal testimonies was an important step in the healing process.
4. Seek Professional Help.
Friends and family are important to the healing process, but you also need a non-bias opinion and facilitator to navigate these tough issues. Find a marriage counselor that fits well with your goals and beliefs for your marriage. A professional guide through conflict conversations will help process and sort those feelings.
5. Letting Go of Society Judgement.
Choosing the unpopular choice can be hard. No matter what you decide, there is always going to be someone judging your choices. It’s easy for people to say “I would never be able too….” “Why would you….?” Or “If it were me I would….” The fact of the matter is that they are not you. They have not walked your path. Let go of any judgement that you may feel and seek to make a wise decision that is not based on others opinions or perceived judgment on your situation.
6. Seeking Forgiveness.
This is a tough one especially if you are feeling betrayed by your spouse. Don’t rush the process. Allow yourself to feel the emotions but be careful to not base decisions in those emotions. Emotions can cause decisions that we will regret later. After you have allowed yourself to feel those painful emotions and allowed time for healing, then it may be time to think about forgiveness. Forgiveness for yourself and for your spouse. This does not mean that you agree with any wrong done to you. Forgiveness is a complicated process. Don’t be hard on yourself if it takes a while to get there. It is worth striving for because the feeling will be so freeing.
7. Explore Spirituality Together.
This was the glue that held us together. Our marriage would not be what it is today if we hadn’t grounded our marriage in faith. It’s worth exploring and finding out what you believe, not what others have told you to believe.
Every single marriage has problems at some point. If your marriage is struggling, let go of the guilt and know that it is normal. Evaluate honestly and come up with a plan to move forward. Don’t ignore the problem and wait for it to pass. There is a lot that is said in the silence. Choose intentional messages centered in wisdom.
Hope can be found in the pain, you just have to know where to look.
Author: Crystal
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