“He isn’t the same person.”
“I am not attracted to her anymore.”
“He isn’t the person I would choose to marry, if I chose someone today.”
“I can’t look at her without being angry.”
“Life would be easier for all of us if we went our separate ways.”
“But I am not in love anymore.”
“I feel numb, I don’t care what happens to my marriage.”

Ever feel this way about your spouse?
The person that you thought you’d love forever?

You are not alone.

The natural progression of any relationship is the tendency to drift apart. The tendency to let the movement of life wash you away in a current so subtle that you don’t even know you are moving until you have moved so far that you are lost at sea.

When you add the endless list of other waves that might enter the mix it’s no wonder relationships get so complicated that it feels impossible to find your way back.

The American Psychological Association predicts that 40-50% of all marriages will end in divorce. American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy predict that 35-45% of all marriages will experience an affair at some point.

Separation. Divorce. Affairs. Betrayal. Drift. Isolation.

No one plans for any of these. No one dreams about betraying their spouse or building up walls that lead down the path of divorce. You don’t go from happily married to resentful overnight.

If most marriages start out with the best of intensions and full of love, then why do almost half end in the tragedy of divorce? Where is the happily ever after that you dream about on your wedding day? Based on the alarming statistics, a marriage has a 50/50 chance at surviving, so what’s the point?

These are very real questions that I struggled with when faced with the lowest point in my marriage. It was during this time that I learned that he had been unfaithful to our marriage and the talks of divorce would begin. This would also be the moment that we would both enter programs to treat our mental illness. After fully committing to my therapy, leaning into my family and friends, and truly seeking to reconcile my spiritual doubts, I was finally able to embrace one truth. A truth that would lead me to make decisions, that many would have a hard time understanding.

The truth is: Love is a choice.

A choice that no one could make for me. One that I alone had the power to decide.

When I chose Love, I was able to see past the mistakes and see the situation for what it was.

My husband and I had been in engulfed by separate, but similar waves of mental illness that caused our drift to expand steadily and rapidly. Our distorted view on life led to increased tensions, selfish thinking, and survival mode.

Choosing to love even when trust was broken, was the turning point that allowed us to begin to repair our marriage. It also allowed me to heal, to tackle the problems head on and sort through the pain. It wasn’t a magic fix that erased all the pain, but it did allow for a starting point for forgiveness.

Throughout our healing process, we quickly learned that we are not alone in our marriage struggles. We have heard from well respected family and friends that shared similar stories of heartbreak and trials.

I think it is easy to look at the lives of others and think that everyone has it better than you do. To think that you are the only one that is experiencing hard times. Infidelity, separations, addictions, and other marital struggles happen far more often than what people will admit to.

I don’t know where this story finds you in this journey of life. But whether you have been married one year or fifty years, divorced, separated, single, happily married, or hanging on by a thread, my hope is that where ever you are, you will know that you are seen.

You are not alone.

Marriage and relationships are hard for everyone. Tensions and problems that go unaddressed will slowly lead down a road of unhealthy thinking.

It is never too late to turn back and address those problems head on.

You have the power to choose what is best for you and to let go of all the opinions and judgments that others will place upon you.

My fear of what others would think, almost paralyzed me. However, where I thought I would find judgement, I found encouragement. When I opened up about my struggles, I found a whole community of people that had similar struggles.

You have the power to let love be your motivation in whatever season you are faced with today.

Let’s choose today to start talking about the hard things and stop hiding. Let’s offer grace and unconditional love in place of fear and judgement.

You have a spirit, not of fear, but of Power, Love, and Self-Control.

Don’t let the fear of the unknown keep you from choosing the best road for your life.

Author: Crystal