Hope in a Hopeless World

Mental Health Outreach

Compassion Fatigue

Compassion Fatigue, Support for Family and Friends, Tips, Work Struggles /

As a social worker, people come to me with hard, if not impossible, problems to solve. Sometimes I have the answers to those problems. Sometimes I am called an angel, lifesaver, or hero. Other times, I fail to help the fragile or hurting person before me.  It is not from a lack of trying.  In fact, it’s these impossible problems that have no clear solution that keep me up at night. Laying awake problem solving long after my work day is over. These are the times that I can hear the disappointment and helplessness. I was their last resort and I failed. Instead of lifesaver, I hear failure, destroyer, bearer of bad news. Sometimes the person on the receiving end lets me know how much I failed them but most of the time it comes from with in. Its exhausting caring and constantly thinking about the needs of others.  The drive to help in any way possible sent me spiraling down an overwhelming path. With each step I took I added more tasks, more stories, and more heartbreak to the pile. Every new story caused me to leave a piece of my heart behind.    During those overwhelming and emotional days, I forgot a few important truths: It’s not my job to solve the impossible.  No one can run on empty. There are things that I can do to protect my heart and show compassion. If you are in a helping profession, a caregiver, or generally like to help others, we need your compassionate heart in this world. In order to maintain that compassionate heart, you have to take care of it just like any other part of your body. Here are a few things to keep in mind as your head out into the world: Be kind to yourself. You are human. You cannot solve the impossible. Be content knowing that you are doing the best you can. There is enough negativity to go around. Work on getting rid of negative self-talk and strive to feed your mind positive things. Learn more. Learn about symptoms of compassion fatigue. Notice how your body is responding in different situations. Awareness to reactions and symptoms reduces the impact. Set personal boundaries and work hours.  This is not being selfish. In fact, if you continue to over work and over commit, then you will quickly burn yourself out. The best thing you can do for others is model good self-care. If you take care of your own needs first, you will be more equipped to help someone else. This starts with setting personal boundaries and work hours and sticking to them. Schedule self-care. Put self-care on the calendar like you would any other important task. This should be your number one priority. If you want to continue helping people, you must make your own self-care a priority. Plan to take breaks through out the day. Set aside time that is just for you. Take a walk, do a meditation, read a book; something that will refocus on your own personal needs. Seek someone who will listen and understand. Talk about it! Find a trusted colleague, friend, advisor, spiritual leader, or counselor and discuss the impacts of compassion fatigue. Talk about how your mind and body are affected by caring for others. Releasing the thoughts from your mind can be very healing. Leave toxic environments. Sometimes the environment that we have chosen to work in is unhealthy. Be aware of unhealthy work environments and choose to build resiliency to those impacts or remove yourself from that situation. If you are working for someone that has unrealistic expectations, insufficient supervision, unsafe physical space, and generally doesn’t abide by best work place practices keep in mind that this is not a personal failure. Know your own limits and don’t take the heat for unrealistic practices. Accept the limits of being human. Help those you can and trust that others will do the same. The problems of those in front of you do not fall on your shoulders alone. Continue to care about people, just make sure that you are caring about yourself too! Author: Crystal

Navigating Conflict

Communication, Marriage, Support for Family and Friends, Tips /

You’ve reflected on the issue at hand, decided that the person you have a conflict with will be receptive to an honest conversation, and determined the best time to talk. Now that the time is here, how should you go about it? Here are some quick tips to navigating those difficult conversations. 1 . Go in with an open mind. Let go of any strong feelings or attachments you have to your point of view. Be willing to change your mind. Before entering the conversation try journaling, reflecting, prayer, mediation, or listening to music. Do your best to clear your mind before entering the conversation. 2 . Focus on preserving your relationship, not being right. It’s easy to get focused on our opinions and what we believe is best. Take a step back before entering the conversation and think about the relationship that you have with that person. Is the conflict at hand worth ruining your relationship? If the answer is no, respond with the relationship in mind. 3 . Take breaks. Notice Triggers. If at any time during the conversation you feel yourself in the fight, flight, or freeze response that may be an indication that you have been triggered and need to take a break. Remaining calm and kind during a conflict conversation is crucial to making both sides feel respected and productive. Take a break to re-center your mind. 4 . Be quick to listen. Be curious about the other person’s point of view. Ask them to share their thoughts on the issue and really listen to them. Repeat back to them what you heard them say without judgement or additions. Do not try to tell them why they are wrong or why their ideas won’t work. The goal is to gain an understanding of their point of view not argue your point. 5 . Ask for your opinions to be heard. After you have taken the time to actively listen to the other person’s point of view. Ask them to listen to your thoughts. Tell them that they don’t have to agree with you. Just ask for them to listen and try to understand your point of view. 6 . Evaluate Honestly. If the evidence provided causes you to change your mind, be open to that. It takes a strong person to let go of their pride and admit that they were wrong. Be that strong person when the opportunity arises. You might be surprised at how good it feels to let go of your pride and take on a humble stance. Alternatively, if the other person changes their mind, don’t gloat about being right. Remember that we are focusing on the relationship with the other person, and not on winning the conflict. 7 . Best plans come from compromise. Most of the time there is going to be good reasons on both sides of the conflict. The beauty about being human is that we all come with our different values, beliefs, experiences, gifts, and talents. On our own we may be able to do some good things, but together we can do amazing things. After each person has shared their background and stance on the issue, brainstorm possibly solutions to the problem. Maybe even write all the solutions down without judgement. Then discuss which ones each person could live with as a compromise. 8 . Plan to revisit. Schedule a time to revisit this conversation. Sometimes trial and error is needed to come to a solutions that is best. Check-in to see if the solution is working for both parties. If the solution is not working, discuss concerns and possible alternative solutions.