“But, do you feel joy?” Our mental health support group had been discussing the side effects of medication, in particular flattened emotions. That “meh” attitude towards everything. These beautiful people, new friends who I have had the pleasure of getting to know over the past few years, were describing the difficulty of not experiencing emotions.  Normal, everyday human emotions that most people don’t think twice about. One was struck by the fact that he wasn’t excited for the new Star Wars movie that came out.  Another described not being able to enjoy the beauty of nature like she used to.  We discussed how long it takes to actually feel again. “Yes, I do,” was his initial, slightly hesitant response. A few minutes later he asked if we could go back to the question as he wanted to clarify his answer. He then explained that he has felt happiness but doesn’t think he has ever experienced true joy that he has heard other people talk about. I admired his honest and specific answer. It was his clarification that made me start to think about the difference between the two – happiness and joy. Is happiness a temporary feeling and joy a long-lasting state of being? If so, then can one feel unhappy and still be joyful at the same time? It got me thinking about my own life, current and past circumstances, and different periods of time when I didn’t feel happy. Or was it that I didn’t have joy? Being the nerd that I am, I looked up the dictionary definitions of these two similar, yet different things: Happy = Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment Joy = The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation. If it were a math equation, which would be the correct answer? A. Happy > Joy B. Joy < Happy C. Joy > Happy Just kidding, this is not a test (but the correct answer, in my opinion, is C).  Okay, so if we can agree that joy is greater than happiness (meaning more fulfilling), then what sets it apart?  Happiness is a “surface” feeling. It is something you can feel or experience in a moment but isn’t something that usually lasts very long. Joy on the other hand is a deep, soul filling, heartwarming state of emotional being.  It can’t easily be dissolved or distinguished by life’s circumstances and can withstand hardships. Happiness can come and go, throughout the day or week, the months, or the years. But what about joy? Is it available to each of us at any time? “It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” – David Steindl-Rast When I read this quote it reminded me again of that pressing question asked during our discussion, “Do you feel joy?”  If it really is gratitude that makes us joyful, then what if joy isn’t something we find, feel, or experience at all?  What if joy is a way of life that we much seek, learn and master? My current truth: I have been allowing the temporary circumstances of life overshadow the overwhelming joy that I know is available to me.  One of my “temporary circumstances” that doesn’t feel temporary at all is my depression. Depression can be a persistent, dark and seemingly endless cloud over our lives. Depression can decrease our happiness – the feeling of pleasure. But are we giving it too much power? Are we allowing it to steal our joy or are we diligently and intentionally taking steps towards gratitude and joy every day? Depression is serious. It will bring you down. It will take you out. With one swift blow straight to the shins. We must get up. We must push ahead, slowly, yes. But forward. Once small step at a time. Did I mention, you don’t have to do this alone? Reach out, lean on others, and accept help. Embrace hope. Cultivate gratitude. Choose joy.

Slowly I open the door to the bedroom that our two sweet boys share. I tiptoe quietly across the room past the empty bed of our 5 year old, who has already been up for hours on this dark fall morning. Peering into the crib on the far side of the room, I see our one year old sound asleep. I rub his back before I gently lift him out of the crib. He has no interest in waking up and without openning his eyes he snuggles into me. His gentle breathing combines with the soft music on the radio playing in the room.  These are the moments I want to remember. Our lives may be full of chaos and uncertainty much of the time, but taking a few minutes to pause in the sweet moments of life can remind us just how much we have to be thankful for.  I close my eyes, take deep breath in, and memorize this moment. Intentionally noticing the feelings and sensations around me. Often my day is consumed with worry, rushed schedules, and stressors. The practice of gratitude can be a challenging at times. Truly taking in the things that bring joy, helps to calm my day. What moments do you want to pause and savor today?  Even on days when it’s hard to be thankful, take a moment to pause on something good and stay there for a while. Author: Crystal

My husband and I were out for a simple anniversary dinner at our favorite local diner. A hole in the wall place really, but they have delicious burgers, tater tots with just the right amount of crisp, and mostly friendly staff. As I went to sit down with my one-trip salad bar plate, I noticed the waitress cleaning the booth across from us. I had seen her earlier, turning chairs upside down on tops of the tables and sweeping the dirty floor beneath them before the end of what her face told me was a long shift. I turned and offered a simple smile, not expecting one in return. She smiled back. I said hello, making eye contact, and asked, “How are you doing?” She quickly replied, “Tired, I haven’t slept in three days.” I showed some concern and she continued to tell me how her dog was in labor two nights ago so she had been up with her, and then caring for the puppies before coming to work. I asked some questions about the dogs and she shared that she breeds them for veterans service animals. She went on to tell me that she brought her two children to the zoo and then had to come back to work again that evening. To engage the conversation further, I asked how old her kids were and she said 3 and 2 years old. Then she confided that she should have been delivering her third child in a couple of weeks, but the baby was really sick and they had to deliver the baby at 21 weeks. She explained it was either her or the baby and there was nothing the doctors could do. I empathetically said, “I am so sorry” a couple times, not knowing what else to say to this young mother. She casually shook it off, and matter of factly stated, “So, now I work.” as if pushing down her emotions while remembering again that she would be close to full term and soon on maternity leave if not for the loss of her child. My husband rejoined me at the table, I told her I hoped she could get some good rest tonight, and she returned to her clean up duties. And just like that the crossing of our paths was over. I could have let that tired, crabby looking waitress go about her work while we enjoyed a quiet anniversary dinner. But I noticed her and saw something familiar. Maybe it was the exhaustion, or sadness, maybe the pain. Something drew me to her and I responded to the nudge. All it took was a simple smile. A hello, with eye contact. A genuine, “How are you doing?” It wasn’t a long encounter, less than two or three minutes, but none the less meaningful. It was as if she needed someone to listen even if it was just for a moment. You never know how much someone may need that simple gesture. Let us keep our eyes and hearts open and available to those around us. Let us not forget that we can all make a difference. Every day, in big and small ways. Sometimes even in the lives complete strangers. Author: Elizabeth

Natural reaction to an infuriating moment is to yell, retaliate, or seek justice. They deserve it. They have to learn from their mistakes somehow. Right? When you stop to think about it, does yelling or pay back ever actually make us feel better or solve the problem? It is often encouraged, and even rewarded, to demand our way, seek justice, and manipulate the situation to better our odds. The person that can strong arm the opponent to get their way is viewed as the victor. The one with the most strength. The person that is kind and humble is viewed as weak. They may be described as a push over with no back bone. However, is kindness really the weak choice? It’s easy to give in to our human nature and go down the path of selfishness. Our basic human nature prompts us to look out for our own wellbeing and use our power for our own benefit. Anyone can react and respond to a situation with anger or revenge. It doesn’t take much effort to give into the natural emotions. The real challenge is offering grace to the hardest to love, forgiveness to the person that hurt you the most, and kindness to someone that is undeserving. The challenge is to overcome your gut reaction and choose to be kind always. Kindness takes intentional planning, rational thinking, and a desire to make an impact on others. The sign of true strength is found in the person that can stand with confidence, allow the gut reaction emotion to settle, and let kindness to take over. The next time you are faced with a situation that produces that gut reaction of negative emotions, try replacing it with kindness. When someone cuts in front of you in the check-out line, take a deep breath and respond with a smile. If your stubborn child is on his or her 17th tantrum of the day, tell them that you love them. When a co-worker is struggling at work, give them a helping hand or words of encouragement. The next argument you have with your spouse or significant other be the first to apologize. If you fail at a task, give yourself grace and a reminder that no one is perfect. You will notice that your kindness will warm your heart and health thinking will fill your mind. Make kindness a lifestyle not a one-time act. How can you take steps to shift from emotional reaction to practical kindness? In what ways can you start to practice being intentionally kind in your every day life? It is not an easy task and it may seem daunting. Showing consistent kindness is not for the meek, it is the greatest form of strength. Author: Crystal

Normally I avoid watching the news. Instead of ruminating on the terrifying stories that have already happened, I prefer to use my time and energy intentionally uplifting and helping the small part of the world that I have the power to influence. Yet, heartbreaking stories still cross my path. Sometimes these stories will consume my mind. Stop me in my tracks and remind me of the broken world we live in. It is during these painful moments that guilt over my comfortable life sets in. Worry drives my choices. Anger turns to hopelessness. “They have it much worse than me. What do I have to complain about?” There is a big difference between being grateful for your blessings and letting the pain of the world stop you from taking care of yourself. Does the knowledge that someone else has it worse than you, make your pain less painful? Awareness of the trials and troubles others face allow us to feel the much-needed compassion, empathy, and sense of community. But with all things, balance is key. Examine your state of mind right now. If the brokenness of the world is consuming you, you may be headed down a road of helplessness, numbness, heartbreak, and confusion. This world needs your compassion and empathy. You will not be able to show your kindness to the world if you don’t first take care of your own battles. Your own brokenness. Much like you cannot lift someone up with a broken arm, you cannot influence your part of the world with a broken spirit. What worries, past events, or troubles do you need to face today? What steps can you take to face those fears to move forward with your life? We do not have a spirit of fear. Take the first brave step toward self-improvement so that you can shine a light on the broken world one step, one act, one person at a time. Author: Crystal

About one year ago today, I found myself in the darkness season of life. PTSD, Vicarious Trauma, Depression, and significant martial struggles had me feeling absolutely hopeless. It was during this time that I was invited to join Walk the Talk Missions on a trip to Ensenada, Mexico. I barely had the energy to get dressed in the morning, but some how I managed to pack my things, and board a plane marking the start of the journey. In the middle of my own personal tragedy, my heart was open to a world very different from my own. I was expecting the living conditions. The lack of shelter, the lack of food, the overall low quality of life. It is a quality of life that some face here in the United States and one that I am exposed to daily in my work as a social worker. But even so, the conditions were heartbreaking. There was one thing that took me by complete surprise. The Joy. The pure joy that this community embraced was unexpected. The joy on a little boy’s face when he received a small matchbox car. Or a little girl a backpack for school. Or an older boy when he received glasses for the first time. The joy the community had when they wrapped their arms around one another and held each other up. The joy the local pastor had as he spoke of the feeding program. One that feeds the community of kids a few times a week. And the hope that he holds onto that he will soon be able to feed them every day of the week. The joy that filled my heart during my lowest moments of life. In two short days, we came along side a single family and built them a home which would change the course of their life forever. Each board painted, each nail safely secured, and each wall that rose from the ground represented a new beginning. Where there was once a home which was made of cardboard, was now a secure house fully furnished with beds, pillows, blankets, and food. I walked into Ensenada, Mexico with tears of pain and anguish and left with tears of joy and hope. The people of Ensenada have very little, but they hold the key to happiness. Kindness, Love, Community, Hope. In one month, my husband and I will join my mom and several others on another trip with Walk the Talk Missions. Back to that same community in Ensenada where we will come along side another family and take part in creating security in the form of a new home. To bring a ray of hope to their world. There is a contagious joy that comes from tangible hope. To know that this family trusted and hoped that one day their needs would be met. To know that you are the person sent to bring hope, is the purest form of joy. I encourage you today to think of ways to spread this tangible ray of hope to those around you. Add joy to your life by spreading kindness, love, and community. Let’s band together as a community of people. Instead of tearing each other down, let’s hold each other up! Instead of looking the other way and placing blame on those that are suffering, let’s find ways to bring hope. You can’t change the world or even your community on your own, but if each of us do a small part, we can change it together.   Be the hope to someone that may feel hopeless today.  Your small act of kindness and love could change the course of their day, and it will certainly change the course of yours. If you would like to learn more about Walk the Talk Missions, visit their website listed below. www.walkthetalkmissions.com