You’ve reflected on the issue at hand, decided that the person you have a conflict with will be receptive to an honest conversation, and determined the best time to talk. Now that the time is here, how should you go about it?

Here are some quick tips to navigating those difficult conversations.

1 . Go in with an open mind.

Let go of any strong feelings or attachments you have to your point of view. Be willing to change your mind. Before entering the conversation try journaling, reflecting, prayer, mediation, or listening to music. Do your best to clear your mind before entering the conversation.

2 . Focus on preserving your relationship, not being right.

It’s easy to get focused on our opinions and what we believe is best. Take a step back before entering the conversation and think about the relationship that you have with that person. Is the conflict at hand worth ruining your relationship? If the answer is no, respond with the relationship in mind.

3 . Take breaks. Notice Triggers.

If at any time during the conversation you feel yourself in the fight, flight, or freeze response that may be an indication that you have been triggered and need to take a break. Remaining calm and kind during a conflict conversation is crucial to making both sides feel respected and productive. Take a break to re-center your mind.

4 . Be quick to listen.

Be curious about the other person’s point of view. Ask them to share their thoughts on the issue and really listen to them. Repeat back to them what you heard them say without judgement or additions. Do not try to tell them why they are wrong or why their ideas won’t work. The goal is to gain an understanding of their point of view not argue your point.

5 . Ask for your opinions to be heard.

After you have taken the time to actively listen to the other person’s point of view. Ask them to listen to your thoughts. Tell them that they don’t have to agree with you. Just ask for them to listen and try to understand your point of view.

6 . Evaluate Honestly.

If the evidence provided causes you to change your mind, be open to that. It takes a strong person to let go of their pride and admit that they were wrong. Be that strong person when the opportunity arises. You might be surprised at how good it feels to let go of your pride and take on a humble stance. Alternatively, if the other person changes their mind, don’t gloat about being right. Remember that we are focusing on the relationship with the other person, and not on winning the conflict.

7 . Best plans come from compromise.

Most of the time there is going to be good reasons on both sides of the conflict. The beauty about being human is that we all come with our different values, beliefs, experiences, gifts, and talents. On our own we may be able to do some good things, but together we can do amazing things. After each person has shared their background and stance on the issue, brainstorm possibly solutions to the problem. Maybe even write all the solutions down without judgement. Then discuss which ones each person could live with as a compromise.

8 . Plan to revisit.

Schedule a time to revisit this conversation. Sometimes trial and error is needed to come to a solutions that is best. Check-in to see if the solution is working for both parties. If the solution is not working, discuss concerns and possible alternative solutions.