Healthy Conflict.
Communication, Marriage
My husband is a republican military veteran and is married to me a democratic social worker. Is that not the definition of confliction? Based on debates and interactions that I have witnessed, we should be in constant conflict, anger, and disagreement.
Conflict is one of those hard to navigate facets of life that comes around more then we would like it to. Conflict finds us at home, at work, at the store, when we expect it, and when we don’t.
It’s not going away, so what are our options? What is the best way to navigate conflict?
Ignore the Problem.
Ignoring the problem may keep us in our comfort zone and away from highly confrontational interactions that some of us dread and avoid at all costs. This may be appropriate in some situations, however, before using this as your go to response you may want to consider a few things. Consider the relationship you have with that person and the impact of the conflict. Is this a relationship that you value? Is the conflict in question one that will have major impacts on your daily life? If so, ignoring the issue at hand, may be setting yourself up for increased tensions and growing hatred. Your silence may tell that person that you agree with the way they talked to you or with how they are handling a situation. They will likely continue with that behavior not knowing that they upset you. Naturally you will become increasingly annoyed, and they will be oblivious. You may even begin keeping score with someone that doesn’t know they are playing the game.
Demand your Opinion be Heard.
If ignoring it makes your insides boil, you may choose to boil over and demand that your opinions be heard. All those built up feelings are no longer eating you away and the other person knows exactly how you feel. If your goal is to create a trusting, lasting, working relationship, you may want to reconsider. The person on the receiving end will likely leave that interaction feeling run over and unheard. You may have just lost trust with that person and the chances of them sharing their true feelings and opinions with you in the future has just drastically decreased.
Passive-Aggressive Hints.
If ignoring the problem leaves your feelings trapped inside and demanding to be heard leaves those you care about insecure, it’s only natural that the middle ground that many resort to is passive-aggressive hints. This style of addressing conflict allows you to keep the peace in the moment and then quietly hint toward change later. The downside is that the other person will be left to guess and generally we as people are horrible guessers. This leaves a lot of room for error. Your hints may be misinterpreted, taken as offensive, or missed all together. You might escape the initial conversation, but most likely you will still feel the tension rising.
Honest, Open Conversation.
Leaving someone guessing may work in some situations, when the other is very perceptive and can roll with the hints. What happens the rest of the time when the other person does not understand the hidden messages? What happens when the perceptive person gets tired of guessing and they stop trying? Perhaps you could try an open conversation. Allow each person to truly express their opinions and feelings without judgement to resolve the conflict while preserving the relationship. You will find that this style of addressing conflict may be the most productive and the most vulnerable. In order to effectively talk about the conflict, you will have to be willing to share how you are feeling and the impacts on you. Then be ready to accept how the other person is feeling without reacting defensively. The more you practice being honest and kind the more natural it will feel.
There is a time and a place for different forms of conflict resolution. Whatever you decide, make it an intentional choice. One that is thought out and not centered in emotion. Make a choice that is right for you and those you value most.
As for this democratic social worker and her republican military veteran, I can tell you firsthand that when we truly try to understand the other’s point of view, we often leave the conversation with the same belief as when we started but we find common ground through active listening and conversation. We leave feeling heard and respected. You can co-exist with differences in opinion. It’s how you treat those with a different opinion that truly matters most.
Author: Crystal
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