I snuggled into my recliner with my favorite mug and enjoyed the quiet morning. I took in the familiar taste of the peppermint mocha creamer. I decided to set an early alarm so I would have more than enough time to get ready, and as I noted the four hour mark, I walked to the sink and rinsed my mug. 

The night before I had precisely followed all the pre-surgery directions to shower and then wait an hour before using special cloths to sanitize my skin. I re-read the instructions for the fifteenth time. No food after midnight. Only drink water and Gatorade until up to 4 hours beforehand. 

That morning we arrived early, so my sister snagged a front row parking spot and we took advantage of the extra time to catch up. Since she couldn’t come in with me, we exchanged a hug in the car and I told her I would see her later that afternoon.  

I went into the lobby and stopped at the screening desk, explaining that I was Covid positive last month and wasn’t required to have a test prior to surgery. The elderly woman nodded and instructed me to head to the fourth floor. After checking in with the receptionist, I picked the sunniest spot in the waiting room. As I sat down, I noticed the TV screen with a list of patients by number. The man in the chair across from me fidgeted anxiously in his seat while looking up at the screen. I joked that it reminded me of the airport and he pointed out which number I was and said he could tell by the time I had checked in. He seemed incredibly nervous, breathing anxiously, so I said a quick prayer for him as he was called back. I was next.

The nurse introduced himself and went through all of the procedural questions before leaving the room so I could change. After putting on the hospital gown and slipper socks, he returned to the room and stood awkwardly against the wall across from the bed.

“Since you had coffee with cream, we aren’t able to do your surgery this morning. We could do it at 1:30, however, your surgeon isn’t available this afternoon. I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to call his office to reschedule.”

I felt a huge wave of confusion, realization of what I had done and a mix of emotions rush over me in a matter of just a few minutes. Another nurse entered the room and explained the risks and confirmed there was nothing else we could do. They left me alone to get dressed as tears flooded my eyes. 

I was so mad at myself. There was no one else to blame. It was all on me. I was incredibly frustrated that I had messed up something that I had planned for so long. As I got back in the car, my sister comforted me, “It just wasn’t meant to be. There is a reason this is happening. Maybe your surgeon didn’t get enough sleep last night or something.” 

I agreed with her in my heart, but this wasn’t the plan. I had just got everything lined up and figured out. Now it was all unraveling before me because of my own mistake, and there was nothing I could do about it. After more tears and several phone calls, I eventually accepted the fact that it just wasn’t going to happen that day. 

“What would you like to do? Are you up for shopping, or did you just want to go home?” My sister asked after I hung up the phone. “Maybe some retail therapy will help you feel better.”

“Let’s go Christmas shopping. All I’m going to do at home is be sad and upset.” I responded.

So we decided to make the most of it. We had a great day together that stretched into the night. We ate, we laughed, we drank more coffee (after I spilled it all over shoe) and successfully filled the trunk with Christmas gifts.

Later that night I read this beautiful and timely Evening Blessing from Susie Larson, “May you – in spite of your mistakes and missteps – see how God’s love & provision more than cover you. May you – in your weakness – experience abounding grace that makes you divinely strong. Where you’ve experienced loss and brokenness, may you know healing, wholeness, and redemption. Your Redeemer is for you and He is strong. Sleep well tonight.”

Sometimes things don’t go as planned. At least not according to our plans. However, we don’t have to let our circumstances dictate or steal our joy. In fact, God may have something even better in mind and he can always use what we offer to him, no matter how much we messed it up. We all make mistakes and experience disappointment, loss and pain. Some of us more deeply than others. Sometimes our course abruptly changes and we don’t always understand why. Maybe he is protecting us from something we know nothing about. And maybe he will use our pain for a purpose greater than we could ever imagine. 

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Author: Elizabeth