Love. Joy. Kindness | Hope in a Hopeless World

Power of Love

Crystal / August 24, 2018

It was one of those mornings. You know, the one where you wake up immediately cranky and feel like the whole universe is conspiring against you. It started as usual with our German Shepherd, Bailey, whining in my face impatiently asking to go outside. Which quickly led to our Pit Bull, Maggie, pouncing at my head joining efforts to get me out of bed. Grumbly all the way to the door, I hear “MOM! I can’t find my car!” Chase, our 3-year-old, frantically woke up. Opening the door to the backyard, the dogs race outside. My eyes were still sleepy, trying to take in the chaos of the morning. Chase is having a full on melt down by the time I get to his room. “My Car! It’s gone!” He wailed. “Hey bud, Your car is right here. It just fell on the floor.” “My car, my car, my car.” He remained inconsolable. “Chase,” holding the car up for him to see. “It’s right here.” “Oh.” He takes a deep breath in as the tears continued down his face. We stumbled through the morning with similar events. After struggling to get Chase dressed, shoes on, and buckled into the car seat. We are finally on our way to Chase’s pre-school. “Mom, mom, mama, mom, mom.” “Yes Chase?” “Mama. Mama. Mama.” “Yes Chase? What do you need?” “I want my car!” Chase whines. “Can you tell me why you don’t have your car right now?” “No. I was listening! I want my car. I want my car.” “CHASE JUST STOP!” I harshly yelled in a desperate attempt to stop the screaming. The screaming continued, as regret over my harsh tone, sinks in. “Fine. Here take it.” I place the car in the cup holder of his car seat. Before I know it, the red Lightening McQueen car comes straight past my head and hits the window with a loud thud. Taking a deep breath in, I remained quiet listening to the screams of my 3-year-old. How did this so quickly get out of hand? Pulling into the pre-school parking lot, I found a parking spot, and put the car in park. Turning my head, I take in the sight. Chase looked at me through tear-filled eyes. “I love you, Chase.” Instantly his screams stopped. His eyes got wide. “Oh.” He took in a few short breaths, gasping for air, trying to catch his breath. After several seconds, his little voice quietly cut through the now silent car. “I love you too mom.” “If you can tell me why you don’t have your car right now, I will happily give it back to you.” “Mom, I am so sorry I hit you and threw my car and didn’t listen.” Handing the car back to my son, I am quickly reminded how powerful love can be. My frustrations that morning led to my decision to take away toys, yell, and attempt to force my three-year-old to move along at my pace. All of which were met with resistance. When I was able to move my emotions from anger to love, that was the break through moment. That was the moment that I was able to get my three-year-old on board with me, moving in the same direction. What areas in your life could use a break through moment? Is it possible that love and kindness will begin to break ground in that impossible battle? We can’t control how others react to our kindness, but we can control our thoughts. Showing love and kindness even when undeserved will begin habits for healthy thinking. Letting go of the frustrations, the past mistakes, the resentment and choosing love is a great step in shifting your mindset. Shifting your habits to promote good mental health. Author: Crystal

My Inner Critic

Love. Joy. Kindness, MH Awareness, You are not alone /

Crystal / July 19, 2018

Walking into our local coffee shop, I anxiously waited for the other members of the group to arrive. It was my first time joining a group like this one. Chipping off my freshly painted nail polish from my fingernails, I watched for anyone that might be associated with the group. A friendly smiling face approached me and introduced herself as the leader of the women’s church group. Feeling like a fraud, I wanted to run out the front doors, but my feet felt like heavy weights that were keeping me frozen in place. A few others joined us at the large table and the natural progression of small talk began. Simple questions like “Are you married? Do you have any kids?” Questions that should be easy for anyone to answer. Ones that don’t require a lot of thought. When the eyes of the group turned to me, I instantly broke down in tears. Watching the confused looks on the faces around me, I felt the need to explain. But where would I even begin? The truth was that I had just learned hours before that I had been diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and vicarious trauma from my work as a social worker. Vicarious trauma, otherwise known as Compassion Fatigue, occurs from exposure to hearing trauma stories from others and being a direct witness to the emotional residue that is associated with that trauma. At the same time, my husband and I were going through separation after 8 years of marriage (Spoiler Alert: I am overjoyed to say that we did not follow through on divorce and just celebrated 9 years of marriage.) The jumbled mess of an explanation that came out next was through many tears and sobbing. I think it went something like, “My name is Crystal. I don’t know if I am married anymore. My husband has untreated combat PTSD and he has moved out. I apparently have vicarious trauma, depression, and anxiety. But we have one child, he’s 3.” Being someone that normally keeps all her feelings and emotions inside, I wanted to bolt for the exit. What could these well put together ladies possibly be thinking of me now? I quickly learned that my inner critic was much harsher then the opinions of those at the table. Instead of the judgement and shame I was expecting, I was met with love and compassion. For the next hour the group shared stories of relationship struggle and encounters with mental illness. The connection with others that had experienced similar stories brought a calm to my world. I wasn’t alone. One of these amazing women, was Elizabeth. Through conversation with her I learned that she lives with Bipolar Disorder and that we shared a similar passion of mental health awareness. In the coming months we would bond over importance of mental health. Our discussions eventually led us to pursue co-leading a peer-led mental health support group, which we successfully launched and run each month. The women from the church group were some of our first fans cheering us on when our hours of discussion and research paid off. Through Elizabeth’s unconditional love, support, and advice she has helped me in this road to recovery. It is with immense joy and honor that I announce that Elizabeth has accepted my invitation to contribute to this blog site. Please help me welcome Elizabeth as an author on the Hope in a Hopeless World site. Check out the “About Elizabeth” tab and watch for up-coming posts from her.