The moment I read the words on screen, my heart started pounding, my muscles began to tense, and my mind began to race. This simple text message was intentionally designed to inflict pain onto our family.

I began to question myself. What it is it about me that causes hatred from this person? What could I do differently? Why can’t we make this work?

As an avid people pleaser and peacekeeper, I have a constant desire to maintain harmony among those around me. Sometimes in the process of pleasing others, I become lost in a cycle of anxious thoughts.

There is a fine line between pleasing others and taking care of your own needs. As much as I would like to think that I can always be well liked and make everyone happy, the reality is that there will be people that are hard to get along with and sometimes people won’t like us no matter how much we try.

When this happens, what can we do to stop the cycle of anxious thoughts?

For me, mindfulness practices can be particularly helpful. I recently came across a writer who suggested using the acronym “OPEN” to process these anxious people pleasing thoughts.

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Kimberly Diaz-Rosso suggests the following:

O = Observe

Notice the feelings in your mind and body. First name the reactions that your body is experiencing, such as increased breathing or feeling a pit in of your stomach. Then notice your thinking and name those feelings – worry, fear, etc. Journaling these observations can also be helpful.

P = Peace

Use comforting words to bring peace to your mind and body. Examples: “I am deeply hurt and its ok to feel the way I do.” “What other people say and do is about them, not me.”

You may even consider writing your chosen phrases down where you will see them as a reminder.

E = Enjoy

Take a deep breath and be still in the calmness of mind and body.

N = Nature

Say: “The moment has passed and now I am at peace. This is my true nature.”

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If you practice another faith, I encourage you to incorporate those teachings into this “OPEN” framework. It may provide more peace and meaning for you.

You are not alone in the cycle of anxious thoughts. Take moment to acknowledge these thoughts, process, and release.

We would love to hear what has worked for you! Be kind to yourself today.

Author: Crystal

You can read Kimberly Diaz-Rosso full article here.