In the fall of 2017, my world had been turned upside down. Depression, marital separation, and hopelessness made surviving each day seem impossible. I vividly remember standing in my kitchen wondering if my legs could continue to hold me up.

As I leaned my back against the counter, my head was spinning from unwanted thoughts. I lowered myself to the ground and buried my head into my arms. My mom, who was visiting that evening, walked over and sat down next to me. I don’t remember the words she said, it was her presence and willingness to sit in the uncomfortable pain of the moment that stands out. The willingness to help carry the heartache.

I’m not sure now long we sat there, but when I did stand up, my eyes were drawn to a card from a close friend. Amongst other words of encouragement it said “Don’t be afraid to feel the feels.”

We as a society tend to be afraid to feel the hard stuff. It’s often easier to offer platitudes rather than holding space for the person to process.

Platitudes are oversimplified phrases that are used to calm our minds or provide reassurance especially during difficult times. We may find ourselves saying things like: “Good things come to those who wait.” or “Time heals all wounds” or “Everything happens for a reason” or “Everything always works out in the end.”

While some platitudes may hold truth, they don’t allow the mind to process the necessary emotions. These simple phrases may also minimize someone’s pain, causing them to feel unheard or dismissed.

Instead of common platitudes hold space, be comfortable with silence,  offer grace for the hard days, and most importantly don’t be afraid of hard emotions. They are a gift that allow healing.

Author: Crystal