“But, do you feel joy?”

Our mental health support group had been discussing the side effects of medication, in particular flattened emotions. That “meh” attitude towards everything. These beautiful people, new friends who I have had the pleasure of getting to know over the past few years, were describing the difficulty of not experiencing emotions.  Normal, everyday human emotions that most people don’t think twice about. One was struck by the fact that he wasn’t excited for the new Star Wars movie that came out.  Another described not being able to enjoy the beauty of nature like she used to.  We discussed how long it takes to actually feel again.

“Yes, I do,” was his initial, slightly hesitant response. A few minutes later he asked if we could go back to the question as he wanted to clarify his answer. He then explained that he has felt happiness but doesn’t think he has ever experienced true joy that he has heard other people talk about. I admired his honest and specific answer. It was his clarification that made me start to think about the difference between the two – happiness and joy.

Is happiness a temporary feeling and joy a long-lasting state of being? If so, then can one feel unhappy and still be joyful at the same time? It got me thinking about my own life, current and past circumstances, and different periods of time when I didn’t feel happy. Or was it that I didn’t have joy?

Being the nerd that I am, I looked up the dictionary definitions of these two similar, yet different things:

Happy = Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment

Joy = The emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation.

If it were a math equation, which would be the correct answer?

Just kidding, this is not a test (but the correct answer, in my opinion, is C). 

Okay, so if we can agree that joy is greater than happiness (meaning more fulfilling), then what sets it apart?  Happiness is a “surface” feeling. It is something you can feel or experience in a moment but isn’t something that usually lasts very long. Joy on the other hand is a deep, soul filling, heartwarming state of emotional being.  It can’t easily be dissolved or distinguished by life’s circumstances and can withstand hardships. Happiness can come and go, throughout the day or week, the months, or the years. But what about joy? Is it available to each of us at any time?

“It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.” – David Steindl-Rast

When I read this quote it reminded me again of that pressing question asked during our discussion, “Do you feel joy?”  If it really is gratitude that makes us joyful, then what if joy isn’t something we find, feel, or experience at all?  What if joy is a way of life that we much seek, learn and master?

My current truth: I have been allowing the temporary circumstances of life overshadow the overwhelming joy that I know is available to me.  One of my “temporary circumstances” that doesn’t feel temporary at all is my depression. Depression can be a persistent, dark and seemingly endless cloud over our lives. Depression can decrease our happiness – the feeling of pleasure. But are we giving it too much power? Are we allowing it to steal our joy or are we diligently and intentionally taking steps towards gratitude and joy every day?

Depression is serious. It will bring you down. It will take you out. With one swift blow straight to the shins.

We must get up. We must push ahead, slowly, yes. But forward. Once small step at a time.

Did I mention, you don’t have to do this alone?

Reach out, lean on others, and accept help.

Embrace hope. Cultivate gratitude. Choose joy.