When my husband and I decided to separate and talks of divorce begun, these became some of the loneliness days of my life. My world went from the chaos of being a wife and a mom, to a quiet house with little movement half of the time. I remember sitting in my 3-year-old’s room wondering who I am without my child here.

Prior to the marital separation, there were days that I longed for a few moments of quiet, uninterrupted time. There were days when my mind was so deep into the darkness of depression that I thought running away from all my responsibilities would be the only way I would survive.

But now here I was with no responsibilities and I didn’t feel better. I quickly realized that I was blaming the chaos of life for my low mood and little interest in life. With many of life’s responsibilities removed, I still had low energy, little interest in anything, and now a new feeling had surfaced: Loneliness.

Looking back, I can see that the loneliness had crept in long before separating from my husband.

Loneliness is one of those confusing emotions that can hit us when we are alone or even in the middle of a crowded room. It comes from not feeling connected with others or not being understood by those around you.

It is one of the scariest places to live. Loneliness breathes life to hopelessness, diminished self-worth, and a cycle of unhealthy thinking.

Thanksgiving of 2017 was a pivotal point in my journey. This would be the first major holiday away from my child. He would be spending the day with my soon-to-be ex husband and his family whom I still viewed as my own. The days leading up to Thanksgiving, I began to wonder if life was worth living. I hated who I was becoming and where my life was going.

I was sitting on my bedroom floor feeling hopeless and alone, when my phone rang. It was my mom, who must have heard the pain in my voice and before I knew it, she was at my front door. She came with open arms and a bag full of food sent by the close friends she was with when she called.

Don’t underestimate the impact of community and small acts of kindness. You never know when that simple phone, warm smile, or meal will be life changing for another person.

In the months that followed, I decided that I needed to make some changes. I schedule an appointment with my therapist and began discussing ways to overcome the deep loneliness that I was feeling. I couldn’t change my life circumstances, but I could change how I approached it. I could take back the control over my life and be intentional about how I would spend my time.

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Ultimately these were the things that helped me the most:

Talking about it.

I scheduled weekly appointments with my therapist and was honest about how I was feeling. The power of talking should not be underestimated. You can pretend in front of strangers and acquaintances and even some family or friends, but someone should know your true feelings. Talk therapy has many benefits and was very effective for me. During these appointments I was also able to explore other avenues that would help me cope.

Finding a community that understands.

I joined a women’s group through my church and began to develop deep relationships with the ladies in that group. They would be a sturdy structure of support throughout the rough days ahead. This led to Elizabeth and I launching a Peer-Lead Mental Health Support group which then led to an online blog and mental health outreach.

Journaling.

Writing for me became therapeutic. There is a form of release that occurs from getting the thoughts and feelings out of my body and on to paper. I could let the true unfiltered thoughts and worries out of my mind, which allowed me to move past them.

Learning more about mental health and spirituality.

I began to read more about healthy thinking, symptoms of mental illness, and spirituality. Learning about why I was experiencing symptoms of mental illness and what I believed about spirituality was important for my journey through loneliness. I needed to learn for myself what my illness looked like and what I believed about this world.

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Loneliness is often an overlooked feeling that many don’t know how to respond to. I know that it can be overwhelming. There is hope. Continue to walk the path in front of you and trust that there is light at the end. Explore and find things along the way that help get you through the dark days. Join a support group, a church that you trust, confide in a friend or a therapist, begin to sort out your thoughts through journaling or learning. Do something that allows you to have control in your life.

Author: Crystal